A Narcissist Can Do Unspeakable Damage
Since being in a relationship with a person with narcissistic disorder is deeply confusing and often emotionally damaging, finding effective recovery from the relationship is vitally important. At Gearing Up, you can connect with our experienced and compassionate counseling team, the best resources for recovery, and the most sensible and effective solutions that will help you move forward successfully. We offer effective treatment for narcissism recovery that is convenient, accessible (in-person or on tele-health), and affordable on insurance.
A relationship with a narcissist inflicts not only current damage to our relationship skills, our hope for the future, or even our financial safety, but it can also deeply traumatize our self confidence and sense of self. Striking at the heart of who we are, the narcissist is an expert at lashing out, undermining our sense of reality, and engaging in contemptuous behaviors. Worst of all, words are weaponized and they are experts at hitting us in our vulnerable places. Lodging critical accusations about our intentions, motivations, and character are typical. Gaslighting is one of their favorite weapons. While it can spill out in a public forum, the emotional abuse is often behind the scenes, expertly timed and hidden from others. It often makes us feel uncertain of what we are experiencing since others continue to regard the narcissist as a “good, normal person.” As a result, many people feel completely hopeless about themselves and possible future relationships, not realizing that they were never the problem. The problem was the narcissist who entered our lives under false pretenses, misrepresenting who they really were.
Some signs that you may need Narcissism Recovery Counseling:
- Lacking confidence in situations that were previously easy or neutral for you.
- Feeling like your emotions are way too intense and just won’t stop. In fact, you may feel that your emotions have overcome you at times and it can be difficult to get simple things done
- When thinking about the relationship, finding it hard to think about anything but the damage and abuse this person has inflicted in your life. Experiencing extreme and/or confusing emotions like rage, guilt, anger, fear, resentment, or even love.
- Difficulty recognizing that this abuse really happened and that it has affected your life in such a powerful way.
- Questioning your own sense of reality. The abuse can be subtle and intermittent but insidious. At other times, it can be obvious and extreme. Either form is highly impactful and deeply hurtful.
- When around this person, having emotions that are triggered when you would rather not react and finding it dififcult to function in that moment.
- Once you are triggered, there is an overwhelming amount of emotion and it can be hard to rationally think about anything else but your feelings of fury, sadness, regret, anger.
- Worst of all, when our emotions are extreme, it can be difficult to think of any negative consequences at that moment (which is not like you).
- Strong emotions from traumatic relationships can control our body, our mind, and our action urges. We are in a state of constant hyper arousal. We may engage in risky behavior as a way to solve our painful emotions (jumping into a new relationship, driving too fast, drinking too much, etc.)
- Because relationships with a narcissist can be so alternatingly positive and then horrible, the relationship keeps us on a cycle of always hoping things will get better. Trauma can make us less logical and more vulnerable to these perpetual cycles.
- Gaslighting is a frequent behavior of the narcissist that deeply wounds the people with which they are involved. Since the intention is to create self-doubt and second guessing, the narcissist engages in this behavior frequently. Control and domination are the intention and they tend to flip situations to make the recipient feel defensive and apologetic. One of the worst effects is the constant worrying and rumination that comes from gaslighting. We end up apologizing for things that the narcissist did.
What do we do?
First of all, it is important to talk to an experienced GearingUp therapist who is thoroughly educated in what narcissism is, how these relationships draw us in and hook us, how subtle the efforts to control and dominate can be, how entitlement and shamelessness work, how good partners keep trying to make it work, why well-meaning partners stick with us, and more.
Part of the recovery process is educational since often people who are exiting these relationships are thoroughly confused and deeply devastated by a relationship that they invested years in. Knowing what the facts are can help remind us that the problem is not solely with us, but with the person who has hurt us. We often exit with wounds that make it difficult to fight back or sustain a sense of courage. Many successful and highly achieving people have had their sense of safety and stamina plundered by someone who is gaslighting them or demeaning them in a number of different ways.
Here is a sample of what you will learn in our program at GearingUp:
- The basic characteristics of narcissists and their relationships
- The different types of narcissism
- The Concept of Cultural Narcissism and how some people get caught in a societal trend
- Why they must be in control
- How they create a sense of shame, despair, and insecurity
- How narcissism is expressed in relationships and how unsuspecting people get drawn into the abusive cycle
- How the narcissist’s attachment pattern differs fundamentally from typical normal patterns
- The specific types of narcissistic behavior
- What does narcissistic abuse look like
- What are the typical thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions when we are in a relationship with a narcissist and what to do about them.
- How to stay cool, calm, and collected when the other person is criticizing you and trying to make you defensive.
- How to set good boundaries and stick with them
- The best communication strategies to stay on point, remain composed and poised, and how to get your goal accomplished without getting caught in the web of defensiveness.
- What to do and what not to do when someone is trying to gaslight you
- What to say and what not to say when someone is gaslighting you
If this program sounds useful to you or a loved one, please call us today at (972) 596-7229 or send us a message on our Contact page!