Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on YouTube describe how nostalgia and remembering the good times can actually be good for your health - click here.

Part of the magic of family is getting together and revisiting family traditions – eating a family meal together at the holidays, watching the same movie, or singing the same songs. But did you know that those nostalgic feelings are actually good for you?

In a recent study, nostalgia was found to have a physically comforting and relaxing effect on the body. Subjects had lower blood pressure, calm heart rates, and lower levels of anxiety.

So if you’re looking to take the edge off of your stressful day, take a trip down memory lane and remember everything that you have to be thankful for.

Source:

“The Power of Nostalgia at Thanksgiving” by Jacque Wilson, CNN.com

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Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on CBS 11 discuss how cowardice and survival may be related to self control - click here.

Why would someone in a position of responsibility abandon the people that he was supposed to protect?

There is a big difference between what people say they will do and what they actually do, especially when high emotion are in play. None of us want to think that we would act like this ship’s captain. We all want to think that our duty would keep us on track irrespective of our own welfare.

However, science tells us something different. In real life, when there is a potential life threatening situation and when strangers surround us, many of us would run. Our moral compass fails completely. We may surrender the responsibility for rescue to others—what psychologists call diffusion of responsibility. As in this case, we might choose to escape and call it something else (I was going for help!), but really we consider nothing but our own survival.

Do you have any idea of what went on in the captains’ mind when he jumped ship?

He was probably in the moment and totally overwhelmed by events he could barely decipher. The bottom line is that there was a total lack of self-control. In fact, it is a well-known axiom in psychology that most major problems that we create for ourselves boil down to a simple failure of self-control. We say something we shouldn’t say, we spend money we shouldn’t spend, or we take that drink we shouldn’t have. No consequences are important when emotion overrides reason.

Self Control Lapses Share These Characteristics:

Impulsive Behavior—We act before we think

Emotionally Driven Decision Making--When the events are happening quickly and unexpectedly, the emotional brain can hijack our analytical brain.

Consequences are Irrelevant

The Only Goal Is To Escape the Immediate Problem

What does a courageous person look like?

Courage Under Fire: Courageous people may look ordinary but their actions are extraordinary. Under fire, they choose to perform the extraordinary, heroic act even if their personal welfare is jeopardized. For instance, Captain Sullenberger was an unknown pilot until that fateful day on the Hudson when he heroically landed his plane.

Cognitive Self Control: Heroic people remain focused and block out distractions while they solve the problem in front of them. They remain proactive, not reactive.

Emotional Self Control: Every person has the ability to do extraordinary things, but true heroes are able to show tremendous emotional self-control in bad situations. Most of us would be overwhelmed but their emotional control allows them to move through adversity and solve the problem.

What can we do to make sure that we are stronger when adversity strikes?

Conserve Your Energy: Depleted people make poor decisions under fire. Live a deliberate life and don’t procrastinate. The mind tends to grow more negative when we chronically fail to follow through on goals.

Build Self Control Before the Crisis: People who rank high in self-control report the least amounts of stress. They practice leading orderly, disciplined lives. When adversity strikes, they are ready to make the tough decisions and to solve the issue.

Play Offense with Your Stress: Very stressed people make the worst decisions when bad things happen. Use your self-control today to not just get through a crisis but to avoid them as much as you can.

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Watch Dr Sylvia on YouTube explain how to stay on course with your diet - click here.

Worried about wreaking your diet? Here are a few tips to help you stay on course:

Smaller Plate, Smaller Portion: When fixing your plate, try using a smaller sized plate. Researchers find that Americans compulsively clean their plates, so a smaller plate means there’s less to eat!

One Too Many: I recommend to my patients that they only make themselves one plate of food at every meal. Go ahead and make the most of it, but with repeated trips to the buffet or the kitchen, you are more likely to overeat.

Cut Out The Snacking!: We usually aren’t counting as we eat our third, fourth, or fifth cookie, but we just keep snacking away! Try to keep the snacks as far away as you can! As the saying goes – “out of sight, out of mind.”

Know Your Enemy: Try to eat foods that are not only better for you, but will also fill you up faster. Turkey or chicken are always the best choices for a high protein, low calorie solution. A good rule of thumb is that the simpler a dish is to make, there are usually less calories in it.

SOURCE:

MensHealth.com

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Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on YouTube explain why you should never eat alone - click here.

Loneliness is rampant in today’s society, and it has been found to increase rates of depression, anxiety, and even rates of suicide. However, there may be another reason to seek the company of others.

I recommend to my clients that they try to never eat alone. Not only will they benefit from having some good conversation, but this simple technique has also been found to help with weight loss. When we eat with another person, we are more accountable for our food choices. In addition, we tend to have a conversation that can create breaks in between bites and slows the pace of eating. When we eat slower, we feel full faster and we end up eating less food! And since you are trying to carry on a conversation, you’ll also drink more water, which helps with hydration and also fills up your stomach!

Source:

MensHealth.com

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Watch Dr Sylvia on YouTube explain the musical cure for depression - click here.

Feeling worn down? Tired of the same old boring Christmas songs on the radio? Well, a new research study has found that you can break out of your funk by listening to funk… or blue, or rock, or whatever kind of music you like.

Along with distracting you and giving you a beat to dance to, music was shown to increase levels of dopamine – the pleasure hormone. So, take a break and crank the volume on your favorite music whether it’s Bach or the new Black Keys album.

Source:

MensHealth.com

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How Resilience Makes the Difference

The Maverick’s historic win of the NBA championship reminds us that winning even against long odds is possible if you have the right formula for success.

So what does this championship win teach us about success?

The Mavericks victory shows us again that attitude is everything in achieving success. They remained optimistic when they failed and they showed unyielding persistence when things got tough. Coming together as a team with no grandstanding by individual players incentivized everyone. They won the championship because the group moved together to win.

Most people consider talent, luck, good looks and even hard work as key ingredients for success in life. They want a quick win without having to earn it over the long haul. But psychological science tells us that it takes at least 10 years of hard work or practice to become successful at any endeavor. Just look at Michael Jordan's championship record and see how long he had to wait!

The Maverick’s victory shows us that using perseverance, even when things can be discouraging, makes all the difference in the world. They were not an overnight success but they were a resounding success because they fought through an intimidating series of games against a team that had some of the best players in the league. It would have been easy to give up and to compromise their game.

Even though we've heard all the stories and seen all the movies, so many of us give up when things get tough. Here's why:

How you handle failure has more to do with where you end up in life than how you handle success. It’s easy to stand tall when things are going your way. However, the outcome of your life has more to do with the determination you exhibit during the hard times. Everybody falls short sooner or later and its up to us to pick ourselves up, to dust ourselves off and to get back on track. Otherwise the setback defines who you become and where you go from here. Everybody faces challenges but not everyone comes back from them. The Mavericks demonstrated that we should never stop believing in ourselves or in our goal even when we fail.

Here are a few keys to success that I recommend to my clients:

Passion and Belief: Two of the most important factors in succeeding are passion and a belief that you can create a great outcome. If you are enthusiastic, dedicated and absorbed by your mission or interest, you will go to any length to see it through. You will be single minded in pursuing all steps to achieve the goal. There is definitely something to be said about "blind faith."

Emotional Investment in Winning: Many people are convinced that they just need to focus on the steps alone to achieving but there is another factor that’s even more important. You must envision the achievement with your emotions. By constantly rehearsing the emotions of success you will maximize the chance of succeeding.

Self-Control and Self-Discipline: Almost every achievement in the world requires hard work. The ability to work at something relentlessly means sacrifice and sustained effort. But to achieve, you have to delay gratification and you have to sacrificing short-term pleasure for that long-term goal. Self control creates success. The Mavericks are a prime example of this principle.

Optimism: The ability to remain upbeat in the face of setbacks, frustrations and outright failure is important in any endeavor that requires work. If you are negative, you’ll get in your own way.

Patience and Staying the Course: The repetition of effort patiently delivered accumulates over time. Almost all scientific discoveries, works of art and literature and athletics are fueled by a basic sense of patience and staying the course.

Focused Specialization: Too many people apply their energies in a variety of endeavors without focusing on one specific goal. They neglect what they should accomplish because they are so talented at so many things. If you want to create a masterpiece, find the one thing you are good at and stay completely focused!

Know That Failure is Inevitable: Every successful person from Abraham Lincoln to Picasso has failed miserably at some point along the way. Learn to accept setbacks as a natural part of the climb upward in life.

Dallas parents have a prime opportunity to show their children that hard work in the face of intimidating odds can pay off.

The Mavericks were a model of self-discipline, teamwork and persistence in winning and kids need to learn the same things. Our children are surrounded by celebrity examples of quick wins and dumb luck.

Teachable Points for Kids:

Parents need to break down the steps to self discipline, teamwork and persistence so that their kids can apply them to their own lives.

Most of all, they need to teach their kids not to quit when its tough. It is tempting to abandon a marriage, a career or even a dream when things are discouraging.

Truly successful people never give up and are dedicated to the vision of winning in the end. They never allow the present set of circumstances to define how they feel about themselves or their efforts toward winning in the end.

And from all of us at Gearing Up - Congratulations Mavericks and Dirk! We can't wait for next season!

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A recent best selling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, illustrates how fundamental parenting strategies can be so violently misunderstood. Written by an Asian American Yale Law School professor, Amy Chua, the book argues that western mothers are undisciplined, over gratifying and only care about their children’s individuality. She predicts that most western children never reach their potential and live a directionless life of non-achievement.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Here are the myths perpetuated by the author followed by reality:

Myth: Parental Authority is Supreme

The premise is that children require micromanaging and constant direction that includes fear based parenting. Chua argues that kids are unable to grow without being controlled. The mother must be in the middle of their lives and has the final word, always.

Reality:

When kids are over-controlled by a parent, they learn to deny their own wisdom and intuition. Often, they become great achievers but are stunted emotionally. To survive a controlling parent, you learn to focus on the parent’s perceptions of you instead of your own thoughts. You miss the vital lessons of taking calculated risks in relationships, achievement etc. and then recalibrating your behavior based on what happiness.

Myth: All That Matters is Compliance

The child is an extension of the mother and must be commandeered into compliance. Nothing matters but the outcome and the child must blame only himself if the goal is not achieved.

Reality:

When you are over controlled, you over-emphasize how you are perceived by others. You pursue activities that will result in high achievement, praise and applause from others. However, you pay an enormous price for this. You don’t learn the basic tenants of emotional intelligence that can only be mastered by years of having a separate experience from your mother where you figure things out for yourself.

Myth: Nothing Matters More to Child’s Future than Achievement

Chua conjectures that all that matters in the world is achievement that in turn, honors the sacrifice of the parents. The parent’s duty is to financially facilitate opportunities that they choose for the child.

Reality:

Achievement creates self-esteem, but there are many valuable ways to define what achievement is. Emotional stability based on a well-developed and accurate view of yourself is invaluable in the world. Navigating the world without emotional stability is like sailing on a ship without a rudder and a compass--you could end up shipwrecked before you know it. Childhood should equip children with the following capabilities:

Failure: The ability to fail and bounce back from a setback

Self-management: A willingness to disappoint authority figures if you disagree with them

Decisiveness: Making the best call with the information you have even if you discover later you were incorrect

Understanding of Others: Emotional perceptiveness of others based on your own keen understanding of yourself

Self-confidence: Kids build an inner strength from thousands of experiences in which they made a decision on their own, self corrected and did better the next time.

Self-effectiveness: This is an essential part of managing in the world since it’s hard to assert yourself if you see yourself as ineffective and helpless.

Myth: Verbally Berating A Child Is Helpful

Chua argues that kids must be threatened to perform, which is the top goal in her parenting model. Calling a child, “lazy, cowardly, self indulgent and pathetic” somehow is motivating according to the author. She justifies her strategy by the achievements of her kids—if she hadn’t verbally assaulted them, she predicts they wouldn’t have achieved.

Reality:

There is no psychological research in the world that supports verbal humiliation, name-calling and threats as a viable parenting technique. The constant contempt of a parent out of control is damaging. The younger the child, the greater the emotional damage.

Myth: Parents Should Micromanage their Children’s Emotions

In Chua’s paradigm, there is minimal instruction in handling the inner dialogue in our heads that all children have. That inner dialogue doesn’t matter since it’s not something Chua is thinking.

Reality:

Longitudinal research shows that emotionally dismissed kids grow into adults who cannot articulate what they feel or how to manage it. They are often exquisitely sensitive to others, since they had to be that strong to survive in childhood. They tuck their feelings away and they dismiss their normal reactions. She insists that the child should meet the parents’ demands since they know better. Focusing on the parent handicaps the child’s need to measure his own reactions, learn to manage his own behavior and monitor his reactions.

Myth: No External Activities

This model of parenting rejects the usual features of Western childhood—weekend sleepovers, play dates, TV, video game, choosing their own extracurricular activities, and any grade less than an A. The child must conform, at all times, to the desires of the parent.

Reality:

Childhood is an extended practice arena for adulthood during which the child learns how to effectively communicate, to navigate conflict and to fail and bounce back. Parents need to provide the optimum environment for these skills by helping the child learn about himself and his own interest.

Myth: Western Mothers Are Slackers And Over-Indulge Their Children To Meet Their Own Needs.

Western mothers are relentlessly devoted to their children and buffer them against all forms of stress, adversity and failure.

Reality:

America has been the strongest country in the world for generations due, in part, to the work ethic and fortitude of American mothers.

We have taught our children how to fight against their fears, how to join with others against tyranny and how to accord all Americans the same civil liberties and rights. Such virtues require enormous courage and strength which are found in a people reared to define themselves as individuals, not as extensions of others. Obedience to authority at all costs, which Ms. Chua celebrates, can only get you so far. Our dedication to individuality, independence and creative thinking built this country and will continue to shape the world.

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