Therapy That Works...

Generation Me - The Downsides of Taking Selfies - By Chris Gearing

Friday, August 09, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describe how taking online self-portraits, or "selfies," could be bad for you - click here.

With the advent of social networks like Facebook, “selfies” have become increasingly popular with American children and adolescents. The Millenial generation is already changing the world and at eighty million strong, they aren’t going anywhere any time soon.

However, “selfies” are not always a good thing. Here are some things to think about:

Signaling Your Priorities:

Taking pictures of ourselves can be wonderful but only within certain limits. Creating an endless online photostream of yourself may appeal to some, but it can border on self-involved for the rest of the world. While we love to see occasional shots of you and your life, selfies can become a daily reminder of what you value (a.k.a. what you look like in the mirror). When you spend so much time posting pictures of yourself online, your priorities are not where they should be—out in the world contributing, learning about new things, and connecting to other people who would love to get to know you.

No Substitute:

“Selfies” are a one-way street. They cannot take the place of conversations, spontaneous interactions, and intimacy with others. They also tell us very little about who you are and what kind of person you want to be. Those can only be shared in person.

Lack of Learning:

One way we learn about ourselves is through being around and relating to other people. We learn about our strengths and weaknesses, practice relating and empathy, and learn how we can be a better friend when we are actively socializing and talking in person. Too much time staring at a computer screen prevents us from learning how to effectively relate and connect to others.

Greater Expectations:

Too much emphasis on how we look in our pictures online can create unrealistic expectations of ourselves that can prove difficult to sustain over the years. We need to find a balance between enjoying how we look while retaining a genuine sense of who we are. We need to define ourselves based on our strengths as people, not as pictures on the internet.

Source:

"Generation Me" by Dr. Jean Twenge

Generation Me - The Benefits of Taking "Selfies" - By Chris Gearing

Monday, August 05, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss why posting self-portraits, or "selfies," online could actually be a good thing - click here.

With the advent of social networks like Facebook, self-portraits, or “Selfies,” have become increasingly popular with American children and adolescents. The Millenial generation is already changing the world and at eighty million strong, they aren’t going anywhere any time soon.

So, what are the upsides of taking “Selfies?”

Adventures In Real Time:

Selfies can be used to share who we are with the world. These spontaneous pictures can broadcast our sense of humor, our serious side, or even a flattering physical shot. They are meant to give a fleeting glimpse of our life and our adventures to our friends and family in real time.

Cutting Loose:

Sometimes, we just need to have some fun! Selfies give us a way to play and forget our responsibilities and worries for a few minutes. We can have our own personal photo shoot with just ourselves or we can bring in friends to spice things up! Either way, it’s fun to cut loose for a little while and be silly and spontaneous.

Capturing The Creative:

Using services like Instagram, “Selfies” can be shot in a million different ways and they allow us to express and develop our unique personalities and creative perspective. We can share who we are at this moment in time without limiting who we want to be.

Source:

"Generation Me" by Dr. Jean Twenge

Growing Kids Strong - Are We In The Middle Of A Childhood Depression Epidemic? - By Chris Gearing

Friday, August 02, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss some of the statistics of childhood depression and why the problem is getting worse with each generation - click here.

One out of every four children will experience severe anxiety before they graduate high school.

One out of every ten teenagers will experience an episode of major depression by the time they go to college.

In addition, about half of teens diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and the average age of onset for an anxiety disorder is now six years old. However even with all of these terrifying statistics, only eighteen percent of anxious or depressed teens ever see a professional psychotherapist.

Psychologists and government officials have been warning for years that childhood depression and anxiety are reaching epidemic levels, and the numbers are not encouraging. However, very few parents are seeking out professional treatment for their children.

Here are some important points to keep in mind about child and adolescent depression:

Lifetime Effects:

Depression can be a lifelong struggle. Severe depression reoccurs in about half of those who have had it once in their lifetime. Once your child experiences a depressive episode, they will battle more frequent and severe depression for the rest of their life.

Rise In Suicide:

In 2012, American teenagers were polled on mental health issues. Sixteen percent of teens reported seriously considering suicide, thirteen percent created a plan to commit suicide, and eight percent had attempted suicide and failed. Suicide is now the third leading cause of death for ages 10 to 24, and it is responsible for thousand of deaths every year.

Generational Snowball:

Researchers have been interviewing previous generations for years to investigate their rates of depression throughout their lives. They asked if they had ever experienced at least two weeks of depression or anxiety symptoms during their lifetime. For those who were born before World War I, only one percent experienced an episode of depression. For those who were born in the mid 1920’s and faced the Great Depression and World War II early in their lives, only four percent ever experienced an episode of depression. For those who were born in the 1950’s and grew up in the political and social turmoil of the 1960’s, seven percent had experienced depression by the time they were 30. Currently, ten percent of children and adolescents experience a major depression before they graduate high school. The rates of depression are growing with each generation, and our young children are experiencing more depression than ever.

Childhood rates of clinical depression and anxiety have grown exponentially over the past century and can have devastating lifelong effects. If you are worried about a child or teen you know, please seek the assistance of a clinical psychologist.

Sources:

"The Optimistic Child" by Dr. Martin Seligman

Centers For Disease Control and Prevention (www.CDC.gov)

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH.NIH.gov)

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA.org)

The Importance of Parents In "Man of Steel" - By Chris Gearing

Monday, June 17, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss why Superman's parents were so important in "Man of Steel" and why parents are important for all of us - click here.

Our parents are central to how we think, feel, and act as a child and what kind of person we become as adults.

In the new summer blockbuster “Man of Steel,” Superman’s two sets of parents take center stage. His parents on Krypton give him a sense of protecting those around him, fighting for good, and believing in ideas that are bigger than one man. His parents on Earth teach him right from wrong, how fear can make good men do bad things, and what it means to be human. Both sets of parents have a strong influence on Superman and the choices he makes in the events of “Man of Steel.”

Parents teach us the way of the world and can make the difference between a life of struggle and hardship or a life of success and happiness. Research has revealed how different types of parents affect their children and their development. Here are some of the more common types of parents and their potential impact on their children:

Super-Achieving Parents:

This style of parenting emphasizes appearance and achievement. Kids grow up knowing that they must look good, perform well, and win. Money, position, and power are all heavily emphasized. These parents imbue their kids with a strong work ethic, ambition, and the children often make excellent entrepreneurs and leaders. The down side is that kids often feel disconnected and misunderstood by a parent who wants them to “run with the bulls,” at the expense of the finer points of relating and living. These kids have difficulty establishing separate identities from their overbearing parents and often prefer to live a life that values the welfare of others.

Time-Bomb Parents:

This style is based on fear, intimidation, and emotional instability. Without hesitation, the parent will lash out toward others and these outbursts are terrifying for kids of all ages. Threats of neglect, abandonment, and emotional and physical violence are common. Keeping the peace and managing the parent is all that matters to the child, and these kids often develop into masterfully perceptive people since they had to manage their parent so carefully. These children are hypersensitive to the emotions and needs of others, and they have to develop their own ability to protect their interests with others who try to take advantage of them.

Passive Parents:

This kind of parent showed love through their actions, not through relating or through verbal statements. They were stable, consistent, hard working, calm, and emotionally reserved. This parent would never engage in unkind behavior, and they often surrender their power to the other parent and become a peripheral member of the family. Emotional distance is the hallmark of this type of parent. Children of this type of parent doubt their ability to communicate emotionally and to have deep relationships. Like their parent, they understand the importance of commitment and hard work, and they are generally stable, temperate, and reliable. However, learning to understand and manage their emotions can be a lifelong challenge.

Absent Parents:

The absent parent is "missing in action" and has abdicated their role and interest in their children. Parental rejection is horrific for the child’s sense of worth. These kids often harbor life long pain and resentment. Even when a marriage ends in divorce, a child wants their parent to fight for them. If they walk away without a fight - no matter what the rationalization may be - the child is deeply impacted. The upside is that these kids learn the value of loyalty, support, and commitment to others and can become extremely committed to social welfare and justice. Careful to not create dissension, they may be overly accommodating with others in negotiations and in their personal relationships. Slow to trust, they often develop very intense, lifelong relationships with a small, elite inner circle. Some of our greatest presidents and world leaders have experienced this kind of parent and have transformed adversity into a triumphant life of contribution.

Compassionate-Mentor Parents:

Think Jonathan Kent or Jor-El in “Man of Steel” and you have a pretty good idea of the gifts of the compassionate-mentor parent. Although this is the mom or dad we all want to have, few of us are ever gifted with this kind of parent. This kind of parent is astute in reading others, committed to values greater than themselves, and they hold themselves and their children to ethical, loving standards. They spend time with their children, nurture them with attention and understanding, and they are, above all else, emotionally connected. They empower their children to pursue their dreams, triumph over setbacks, and to envision their success. Children feel safe, understood, and adored. These children are fully capable of healthy, balanced, and compassionate lives and often engage in a life of contribution to society. They are excellent partners and parents since they learned from a young age to value themselves, to handle their emotions responsibly, and to engage in life fully.

Many parents are a blend of these different typologies, and they often evolve from one parenting style to another as they grow and mature over the life cycle. Hopefully, we can all embrace the best parts of our parents and prepare our own children for their own happy and successful lives.

Source:

“The Father Factor: How Your Father's Legacy Impacts Your Career” by Stephan B. Poulter

Suicide - Is This Generation More Depressed or More Aware of Suicide? - By Chris Gearing

Friday, June 07, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing examine why the rate of teen suicide is continuing to climb even though we know more about teen suicide than ever - click here.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in five US teenagers considers suicide every year.

Psychologists know more about suicide than ever, but the rate of teen suicide has climbed steadily over the generations and is now the third leading causing of death for Americans from 15 to 24 years of age. So, why does the rate of teen suicide continue to grow even though Americans are taking more action than ever to stop suicides?

Epidemic Depression:

Part of the answer is that teen depression and anxiety are reaching epidemic levels. Research has found that teen depression has increased tenfold over the last century and it strikes a full decade earlier than it did fifty years ago. That means that this generation is ten times more likely to reach clinical levels of depression, and they will likely become depressed when they are still children. In addition once depression and anxiety have set up shop in your child’s mind, they are more likely to return in the future. Severe depression reoccurs about 50% of the time.

Swept Under The Rug:

Even though suicide attempts indicate very serious mental health issues, very few suicidal teens actually receive professional treatment. According to research, 60-80% of American teens who attempt suicide do not seek out professional treatment until after the second suicide attempt. Their friends and family downplay the suicide attempt and try to make it a temporary anomaly. Hopefully, they don’t wait until it’s too late.

Deadly Differences:

Eighty-four percent of completed suicides, or attempts that end in death, are committed by boys. Girls are much more likely to attempt suicide, but boys tend to use much more violent and lethal means in their attempts. They may use a gun, intentionally wreck their car, or even jump off of buildings. Girls tend to use much less violent methods such as poison or overdosing.

If you are worried about your teen, here are some suicide warning signs to watch out for:

  • Stressful life event or loss like a relationship breakup
  • Easy access to lethal means
  • Lack of effective coping skills
  • Family history of suicide
  • History of depression or other mental illness
  • Alcohol or drug use
  • Exposure to the suicidal behavior of peers or acquaintances
  • Increased withdrawal from others
  • Increased rate of angry outbursts
  • Increased need for sleep
  • Low appetite
  • Dramatic mood swings
  • History of previous suicide attempts

Clinical depression and suicide are very serious issues. If you are worried about someone you know, please seek the assistance of a clinical psychologist.

Sources:

"Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman, Ph.D.

"Unraveling the Mystery of Suicide" by By Tori DeAngelis, American Psychological Association

"Suicide Among Pre-Adolescents" by Michael Price, American Psychological Association

"Teen Suicide is Preventable" published by the American Psychological Association

American Association of Suicidology, www.suicidology.org

National Institute of Mental Health, nimh.nih.gov

Suicide - The Rising Rate of Teen Suicide - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss the rising rate of teen suicides, why American teens need more help than ever, and some of the warning signs of teen suicide - click here.

According to the CDC, one in five US teenagers considers suicide every year.

The American Psychological Association reports that teen suicide is the third leading cause of death for people who are 15 to 24 years old. So why would a teenager with every thing to look forward to in life choose a permanent solution such as suicide?

Most teen suicides begin with a perfect storm of upsetting events, like getting dumped by a significant other or losing a family member, that leads to overwhelming depression. If they lose hope and think that their life will never change for the better, they may begin to think about committing suicide. At a basic level, these adolescents lack the necessary coping skills to think accurately about temporary setbacks and how to overcome adversity.

There are several factors that can lead to teen suicide:

No Hope For The Future:

Suicide becomes an option for a young person when all hope is lost. In fact, hopelessness is the best predictor for a suicide attempt. Hopelessness is the most common emotion in those who attempt to end their lives.

Escaping Unsolvable Problems:

The motivations for either attempting or completing suicide are complex. In most cases, they are trying to escape depression and loss, debilitating anxiety, or a situation they regard as being unsolvable such as being bullied or abused. The older the child is, the greater the likelihood that their suicide is connected to interpersonal conflicts.

Hidden Mental Illness:

Mental illness, such as clinical depression or general anxiety disorder, is the top risk factor in suicide and accounts for 90% of all suicides. Clinical depression is the most common disorder linked to suicide. Children and adolescents are particularly skilled at hiding their mental health challenges since they do not know how to fully describe their thoughts and feelings. Since they are confused about what is going on inside of their minds, they don’t know when they need to ask for professional help.

Masking Their Pain:

Adolescents will not always articulate their pain because they often don’t understand the serious nature of their feelings. In fact, they may even present a happy façade. Psychologists describe this condition as a “smiling depressive” since they are hiding their clinically depressed thoughts behind a mask.

A lack of emotional coping skills combined with overwhelming situational stress can drive children and teens toward suicide. If you are worried about someone you know, please seek the assistance of a clinical psychologist.

Sources:

"Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman, Ph.D.

"Unraveling the Mystery of Suicide" by Tori DeAngelis, American Psychological Association

"Suicide Among Pre-Adolescents" by Michael Price, American Psychological Association

"Teen Suicide is Preventable" published by the American Psychological Association

American Association of Suicidology, www.suicidology.org

National Institute of Mental Health, nimh.nih.gov

Growing Kids Strong - The Dangers of ADD & ADHD - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describes the dangers of ADD & ADHD for your child and the signs you can watch out for - click here.

Attention issues can compromise even the brightest children and sabotage the most promising of lives.

According to the CDC, eleven percent of elementary school children and nineteen percent of boys in high school have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. The New York Times reports that around six and a half million children have been diagnosed with ADHD at some point in their lives. That is a 53% increase over the past decade!

Since ADD and ADHD are so prevalent, it is important to have your child complete a thorough evaluation with an experienced psychologist. ADD and ADHD are very treatable with proper medicine and behavioral interventions.

But if the symptoms are not controlled, ADD and ADHD can have dramatic effects on your child’s life including:

  • Lower performance at school
  • Difficulty keeping a good job
  • Struggles with impulsivity and decision-making
  • Problems with concentration and performance
  • An inability to develop mature judgment and self-control
  • Higher rates of depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder over the lifespan

Sources:

The U.S. Center for Disease Control

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (www.ADAA.org)

“One in 10 U.S. Kids Diagnosed With ADHD” featured in US News and World Report (http://health.usnews.com/health-news/news/articles/2013/04/01/one-in-10-us-kids-diagnosed-with-adhd-report)

Growing Kids Strong – How To Create Self-Efficacy - By Chris Gearing

Monday, April 01, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describe how to help your child develop self-efficacy for a life of success - click here.

Our children deserve a chance to become resilient and self-confident.

Dr. Albert Bandura created the concept of self-efficacy, which describes your belief in your ability to handle any situation with creativity and courage.

Stress is always worse when we feel that circumstances are beyond our control. This is especially true for our children who are often caught in circumstances beyond their control such as in their parents’ divorce or the loss of their community when their family moves to another house or city. Children become more helpless and hopeless when they do not see any way to control or influence the outcome of events.

On the flip side, children with self-efficacy are able to face a problem, envision a solution, and execute the necessary steps to fix any problem or situation. They experience less anxiety and they are able to analyze their environment and create solutions quickly and more effectively.

Dr. Bandura argues that children develop self-efficacy from four major sources:

History of Achievement:

According to Dr. Bandura, performance and accomplishments are especially effective at building self-efficacy since they are based on personal experience. Strong performance in dealing with a specific challenge builds a sense of personal achievement and confidence in their own ingenuity. Future setbacks are handled better if your child has a history of high performance.

Watch and Learn:

Children can also learn how to deal with adversity from others. Pushing through on a challenge is easier when we see other people handling a similar situation well. We generate the belief that we too can deal with the situation and overcome any adversity. Positive role modeling can be incredibly beneficial for a child’s sense of self-efficacy.

Words of Encouragement:

Telling your child that they can handle any adversity can be highly persuasive. Words can create images for children that are inspiring, soothing, and hopeful. Children who are asked to envision themselves achieving are more likely to hang in there and push through when things become difficult. Bandura is careful to note that influencing others with words is useful, but it is no substitute for the child’s personal experience.

Staying Positive:

Many of us focus on our own emotional and physical reactions to stress. If we see that we are in control of our emotions during stress, we gain confidence in ourselves. Anticipating a negative outcome will not only make us anxious, but it will undermine our sense of effectiveness. Children who refuse to dwell on negative thoughts and who choose to place their thoughts on positive, empowered outcomes are more likely to remain resourceful and effective in the future.

Source:

Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Psychological Review, 84, 191-215.

Growing Kids Strong - Childhood Anxiety, Part 2 - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describe what to watch out for if you are worried that your child may have an anxiety problem - click here.

Our children experience anxiety early in their lives.

Normal events like surrendering a toy, losing a game, or saying goodbye to a beloved grandparent teach our kids to experience and resolve anxiety. Resilience and a positive attitude should equip our children to weather regular life events. However, every year childhood anxiety is becoming more widespread and more extreme. Children are becoming more fearful and more anxious at home, on the playground, and in the classroom.

Anxious emotions can become the defining influence on your child’s worldview. In some cases, anxiety can become extreme and even a debilitating problem. Anxious children begin to narrow their worlds by refusing to participate in activities like playing with friends, sleepovers, school events, and visits with their extended family. As time goes on, they become more fearful, avoidant, and justifying of their anxious worldview.

Most children experience anxiety like a slowly building wave that crashes down and then resolves quickly. Specific fears of things like storms, animals, and strangers may come and go with age, but a child’s confidence and resilience should increase as the years go by. By the time they enter school, children should be able to soothe themselves independently, govern their behavior responsibly, and listen attentively to their teachers without any feelings of anxiety.

Anxious children do everything they can to avoid activities or situations that make them anxious.

If you are worried that your child may have an anxiety issue, here are some symptoms to look for:

  • Intense fears about the safety of parents and siblings
  • Refusal to go to school
  • Regular complaints of physical aches and pains
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Recurrent nightmares
  • Intense fears about a specific object or situation
  • Performance fears about recess or in the classroom
  • Refusal to participate in activities with peers
  • Constant worrying
  • Intrusive thoughts of potentially harmful situations
  • Inability to be comforted or calmed by others

Sources:

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (www.ADAA.org)

"The Optimistic Child" by Dr. Martin Seligman

Growing Kids Strong - Childhood Anxiety - By Chris Gearing

Monday, March 25, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describe the epidemic of childhood anxiety and how it could compromise your child's future - click here.

Why do kids feel so much more anxious today than they did in previous generations?

Psychologists are now seeing record numbers of children who are overly worried, panicked, and compromised by anxiety. In fact, clinical depression now strikes our children a full decade sooner than it did a generation ago. Childhood should be a time of enchantment, exploration, and play! Our kids should have no fear and endlessly dream of the better tomorrows that they will soon experience. So, why are we seeing record rates of childhood anxiety and depression?

Contagious Negativity:

We live in a culture that focuses on the negative. We see this trend in many areas like the pessimism in the nightly news or the angry bully on the playground. All of us, young and old, absorb the thinking style and emotions of the people around us. Pessimistic news travels quickly and if children are inundated with negativity, their explanatory view will increasingly skew to the anxious.

Learning To Fail:

We shower our children with recognition and praise when they do well. That’s the easy part, and it’s the fun part for us. Many parents forget the enormous value found in teaching children how to handle and overcome failure. Rebounding after setbacks, resolving disappointments, and moving past frustrations effectively allows us to regain a sense of control, self-efficacy, and purpose. Kids who can rebound psychologically are much less anxious since they keep their expectations realistic and believe in their ability to solve the problem.

Outcomes Cannot Be Controlled:

Winning is not something that can be controlled. In fact, effort does not always guarantee the outcome we had hoped for. It is important that children learn the complex relationship between effort and outcome. Learning that their hard work and good intentions are more important than any outcome is vital for managing anxiety.

Sins of the Parents:

If a child is reared in an anxious household, their view of the world can become increasingly pessimistic and dark. They often emulate their parent’s explanatory style and view of the world. Their parents teach them to think in an anxious manner and how to always be waiting for the next problem. Constant vigilance can create more anxiety, and a negative cycle can be set up in the child’s mind. Childhood is the time when we learn to control our anxiety. If their parents aren’t fully in control of their own thoughts and emotions, it will be difficult for the child to learn and develop their own emotional regulation skills.

Source:

"The Optimistic Child" by Martin Seligman, Ph.D.


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