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How To Protect Yourself From Domestic Violence - By Chris Gearing

Friday, January 27, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on YouTube explain how you can protect yourself and the ones you love from domestic violence - click here.

A recent study released by the CDC found that one in four American women have been severely beaten or assaulted by a romantic partner.

Here’s how you can protect yourself from a violent partner:

Denial Is Your Biggest Liability: Most women underestimate the threat and do not recognize the warning signs such as a history of possessiveness, intimidation, and overly jealous behavior. These are psychological "red flags" warning you of potential danger. Pay attention.

Intuition Is Your Best Defense: Thirty one thousand women die each year in America and the majority die at the hands of a romantic partner. Respect your own intuition about your partner and don't talk yourself down or normalize violent behavior. Stop debating and prosecuting your own observations. Your brain is hardwired to protect you, pick up on signs of danger, and tell you to run.

Speed Is Your Best Strategy: If you are threatened, respond quickly. Do not hesitate and remain frozen. Experts estimate that you have approximately five seconds to make a difference in your own self-defense and potentially save your own life. Move quickly and get out of the dangerous situation.

If you fear your partner, you must surrender your life to getting away from him and remaining safe. Remember that you cannot reason with him, convince him, or change him since he is intent upon reclaiming you as a possession. He only wants to regain control.

Make sure to not take this step on your own – please contact a local group, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, or visit TheHotline.org. These organizations can help you find a safe place to live, set up new jobs and bank accounts, and can help you take care of your kids. They all have the strategies and knowledge to help you leave safely and successfully.

Source:

“1 in 4 US women victims of severe violence” by Mike Stobbe, Associated Press

The Work of Gavin De Becker

The Warning Signs of Potential Domestic Violence - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia on YouTube discuss warning signs that you may be in danger at home - click here.

A recent study issued by the CDC found that one in four women had been severely beaten or assaulted in a previous romantic relationship. Many women are wondering how they can protect themselves against a possible threat at home.

Here are some warning signs of a potentially violent partner:

Fast Paced Relationships: Societal definitions of how long a couple should be together before getting married were established for a reason. Many violent men and predators want to move very quickly in a relationship and go too fast. They are trying to establish control over you and get you into a bad situation.

Won’t Take No For An Answer: Anyone who will not hear “no” as an answer is trying to control you. Too often, when men say “no” that is the end of the conversation. However, some men view a “no” from a woman as the beginning of a negotiation. When you say no, mean it and follow through on it. Whether it’s for coming upstairs after a date or a marriage proposal, don’t let him bully you with what looks like persistence.

Symbolic Violence: This behavior includes the destruction of objects dear to the partner or symbolic to the relationship. The intention is to intimidate the other person and cause emotional havoc. Destroying wedding pictures, personal items like perfume or lingerie, or even violence against a beloved pet are all efforts to symbolically bully.

Physical violence can never be undone and has permanent effects on relationships. Make sure to protect yourself and watch out for these red flags in your relationship.

Check back tomorrow to learn how to protect yourself from domestic violence and how you can stop it.

Source:

“1 in 4 US women victims of severe violence” by Mike Stobbe, Associated Press

The Work of Gavin De Becker

Why Abusive Men Move To Violence - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on YouTube describe why abusive men move to violence against their romantic partners - click here.

There are two broad categories of men who become violent in relationships:

The first is the man who controls at all costs:

- They usually have controlling and contemptuous personalities – they seem like leaders and social people, but they always want to be in control.

- They regard their wife or girlfriend as a possession, not a person.

- They show the classic signs of anger management issues – flashes of anger for no reason, violent behavior such as punching the wall, and regularly overreacting to innocent comments.

- Finally, they are unable to take responsibility for their behavior - the other person made them do it or it was someone else’s fault.

The second type is the overly emotionally dependent man. He needs constant attention and adoration from his partner to feel worthy:

- When his partner disagrees or attempts to individuate with friends or family outside the relationship, he is devastated.

- He seeks to isolate her and establish control by becoming all she’s got.

- If he cannot assume or resume control or connection, his obsession will lead him to a total self-destruction or maybe even a psychotic episode that could include dangerous or life threatening behavior.

Watch out for these signs and protect yourself from abusive men. It’s much easier to get out early in the relationship than later on.

Check back tomorrow the learn to spot a potentially abusive partner and the warning signs for when a relationship could become violent.

Source:

“1 in 4 US women victims of severe violence” by Mike Stobbe, Associated Press

The Work of Gavin De Becker

High Rates of Domestic Violence In America - By Chris Gearing

Monday, January 23, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia on Viddler discuss why domestic violence rates are so high in America - click here.

A recent study released by the CDC found that one in four women have been severely beaten by their intimate partners while in a relationship. With the rates of violence so high, many women are concerned about their safety.

But first, why are relationship violence rates so high?

We’ve known for years that women are more often the victims of domestic violence, but these numbers speak to a deepening problem in American couples. Too many modern couples replace words and negotiation with intimidation and bullying.

Bullies believe that if they don’t get their way, that they can threaten or intimidate others to control the outcome. Such behaviors in general society have translated into how we act in our marriages. These violent habits now thrive in intimate relationships where there are no witnesses and very sadly, no accountability.

Check back tomorrow to find out how relationship violence develops in relationships and how it can get out of control.

Source:

“1 in 4 US women victims of severe violence” by Mike Stobbe, Associated Press

The Work of Gavin De Becker

Do You Have A Bad First Name? - By Chris Gearing

Friday, January 20, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia on YouTube explain what to do if your first name is holding you back in life - click here.

A recent study in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science found that your first name could have unintended ill effects on your future life! The effects were felt in everything from job searches to the dating scene!

With findings like that, many people are wondering how to change or downplay their names. I have seen three trends that work:

Abbreviate: Abbreviate your name and make it more common and traditional in social settings. For example, you can use your initials or part of the name as a handle.

Adopt Your Last Name: Use your last name as your nickname or use a similar name such as substituting Jack for John. People who have pleasant last names can shorten it and add a “y” to the end – names like “Sully” and “Scotty.”

Give Up on Your Name Entirely: The final option is to change your name completely -- sometimes people despise their name so much that they lose the name. They legally change the name to one that reflects who they are now. If a dramatic name change is done in adulthood, it can be unsettling for the parents. However, putting up with a name you can’t stand is unfair in the long run.

Sources:

Parent Magazine

“Generation Me” by Jean Twenge

“Freakonomics” by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner

Why Your First Name Is More Important Than You Think - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on YouTube describe why your first name may be more important than you think - click here.

A recent study in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science found that your first name could have unintended effects on the rest of your life! The effects could be felt in many different arenas from your love life all the way to your job search!

Here’s why your first name may be more important than you think:

Typecasting: Remember that your name is the first impression that you make on someone. It sets the stage for how people will view and treat you because like it or not -- people have preconceived ideas about names, both good and bad.

Generational Names: Because names are so generation based, many people have preconceived notions about you based on what generation your name came from. For example, Barbara gives a very different impression than Emerson.

Target of Bullying: Kids can be cruel and children with odd names often have an extra burden in the classroom and on the playground. Your name can also affect how you feel about yourself. If you always have to explain your name, it can be socially challenging.

Job Prospects: Highly unique names can make it even harder in the job market. Research finds that there is a prejudice in responding to job candidates based on their first names, usually from some personal experience with someone who shares the name.

Source:

Parent Magazine

“Generation Me” by Jean Twenge

“Freakonomics” by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner

The Baby Naming Boom - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Dr. Sylvia Gearing discusses why baby names are such big business now - click here.

Naming your baby has become big business in recent years with hundreds of baby naming websites, books, and even baby naming experts! Here are some of the larger trends in baby naming today:

Family Naming: Families pass down traditional family names from relatives that honor that family member and generations past. A popular trend is for many parents to name their daughters with the last names of their forefathers or foremothers. Many parents think that the daughter to carrying the family name as her own first name is empowering.

Cultural Naming: The larger cultural background is the guiding value and parents strive to either invent a new name or borrow an established name from that culture or religion. The name ties the child to their country of origin or an important family cultural value.

Inspirational Naming: Parents decide to give their kids the names that reflect an important value. Names like Liberty, Promise, and Freedom are all examples of this type of naming.

Whimsical Naming: Names like Apple, Blue Ivy or Bronx Mogley are all examples of the creative, utterly new name that sets their baby apart. They prefer that the name be different, rare, and even odd rather than something plain or common.

Sources:

Parent Magazine

“Generation Me” by Jean Twenge

“Freakonomics” by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner

Cowardice and Self Control - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on CBS 11 discuss how cowardice and survival may be related to self control - click here.

Why would someone in a position of responsibility abandon the people that he was supposed to protect?

There is a big difference between what people say they will do and what they actually do, especially when high emotion are in play. None of us want to think that we would act like this ship’s captain. We all want to think that our duty would keep us on track irrespective of our own welfare.

However, science tells us something different. In real life, when there is a potential life threatening situation and when strangers surround us, many of us would run. Our moral compass fails completely. We may surrender the responsibility for rescue to others—what psychologists call diffusion of responsibility. As in this case, we might choose to escape and call it something else (I was going for help!), but really we consider nothing but our own survival.

Do you have any idea of what went on in the captains’ mind when he jumped ship?

He was probably in the moment and totally overwhelmed by events he could barely decipher. The bottom line is that there was a total lack of self-control. In fact, it is a well-known axiom in psychology that most major problems that we create for ourselves boil down to a simple failure of self-control. We say something we shouldn’t say, we spend money we shouldn’t spend, or we take that drink we shouldn’t have. No consequences are important when emotion overrides reason.

Self Control Lapses Share These Characteristics:

Impulsive Behavior—We act before we think

Emotionally Driven Decision Making--When the events are happening quickly and unexpectedly, the emotional brain can hijack our analytical brain.

Consequences are Irrelevant

The Only Goal Is To Escape the Immediate Problem

What does a courageous person look like?

Courage Under Fire: Courageous people may look ordinary but their actions are extraordinary. Under fire, they choose to perform the extraordinary, heroic act even if their personal welfare is jeopardized. For instance, Captain Sullenberger was an unknown pilot until that fateful day on the Hudson when he heroically landed his plane.

Cognitive Self Control: Heroic people remain focused and block out distractions while they solve the problem in front of them. They remain proactive, not reactive.

Emotional Self Control: Every person has the ability to do extraordinary things, but true heroes are able to show tremendous emotional self-control in bad situations. Most of us would be overwhelmed but their emotional control allows them to move through adversity and solve the problem.

What can we do to make sure that we are stronger when adversity strikes?

Conserve Your Energy: Depleted people make poor decisions under fire. Live a deliberate life and don’t procrastinate. The mind tends to grow more negative when we chronically fail to follow through on goals.

Build Self Control Before the Crisis: People who rank high in self-control report the least amounts of stress. They practice leading orderly, disciplined lives. When adversity strikes, they are ready to make the tough decisions and to solve the issue.

Play Offense with Your Stress: Very stressed people make the worst decisions when bad things happen. Use your self-control today to not just get through a crisis but to avoid them as much as you can.

What's In A Celebrity Baby's Name? - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Watch Dr Sylvia Gearing on YouTube discuss celebrity baby naming trends - click here.

With the recent news that Beyonce has named her newborn daughter “Blue Ivy Carter,” many Americans are wondering why celebrities choose unorthodox names for their children.

Big Personalities: Big personalities love big names for their kids. People in the spotlight are usually larger than life, artistic, and highly independent--and they want their child’s name to be a reflection of them.

Obsessed with Being an Individual: Our society at large is obsessed with being an individual and unique. For example one study found that over a 40-year period in California, there were 228 different spellings for the name “unique.”

Generation Me: The younger generation of parents love any symbol of individuality. They choose to express themselves in a very personal way with things like tattoos, piercings, clothing style, and music. Baby’s name is extension of that philosophy for many young parents who walk their own path.

Source:

Parent Magazine

“Generation Me” by Jean Twenge

“Freakonomics” by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

Suicide and Teens - By Chris Gearing

Monday, January 16, 2012

With the shocking news this weekend that a Texas teenage committed suicide by jumping off the 18th floor of the Dallas Hyatt hotel, many Americans are worried about their own teens and the risk of suicide.

So, why would a teenager choose to end his life?

Feeling Hopeless: Suicide becomes an option for a young person when all hope is lost. In fact, hopelessness is the attitude most highly correlated with those who attempt to end their lives. Suicide has become the third leading cause of death for kids between the ages of 10 and 24.

Motivations for Suicide are Complex: The motivations for either attempting or completing suicide are complex but the main motivations include a desire to escape depression and loss, debilitating anxiety or a situation they regard as being unsolvable such as being bullied or abused. The older the child is, the more likely it is that the suicide is connected to their own interpersonal conflicts.

Are our children more depressed or are we just better at detecting depression?

Both statements are true since this generation's children are more depressed but we also have more safeguards in place to detect the depression. That being said, depressed kids are vastly underserved in our society with very few being seen by a psychologist. We know that depression has increased tenfold over the last century and strikes a full decade earlier than it did fifty years ago. Severe depression reoccurs most of the time—about 50% of the time. In fact, The Center for Disease Control now reports that anti-depressants are the most prescribed drugs in America. We are much more likely to battle depression and other mental illness for our entire lives.

What about those teens who are depressed and make attempts to hurt themselves but are never brought to the attention of medical professionals?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 150, 000 kids between the ages of 10 and 24 receive medical attention at the emergency room because of self-inflicted injuries. But that is when the denial kicks in. Very few of them actually follow up with psychological treatment or counseling. They tend to downplay what happened. They feel that they just need to get their child home and figure this out. No matter what recommendations are made by doctors or other healthcare professionals, families tend to blow it off. Kids can be very depressed and hide it well.

However, the numbers do change after the second attempt. Families do seek treatment after a second suicide attempt as they begin to realize that this is more of a chronic issue and is not a fleeting crisis.

Are there gender differences in completed suicides?

Eighty four percent of completed suicides are committed by boys, even though girls are much more likely to attempt. Suicide remains a health threat for men throughout adulthood with four times as many males dying by suicide as females. The reason for this large gap is that boys and men use much more violent and lethal means of committing suicide with guns, cars, or in this case - jumping off of a building. Girls and women choose much quieter means of suicide such as poison or overdosing.

This country has a double standard of masculinity. We want our boys to be strong and courageous and virile and yet have access to their emotions. Too many boys are confused about how to express their feelings. Anger is the only emotion some boys feel that they can express. When depression strikes, they are more reluctant to admit that they are vulnerable and that they are struggling. Depression is a progressive illness and can lead to suicide if it becomes too severe and too intense, but it can also be treated and success rates rise exponentially depending on how early in the depression the child begins treatment.

Here are some warning signs if you are worried about your teen:

  • History of previous suicide attempts
  • Family history of suicide
  • History of Depression or other mental illness
  • Alcohol or drug use
  • Stressful life event or loss like a relationship breakup
  • Easy access to lethal means
  • Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others
  • Increased withdrawal from others
  • More angry outbursts
  • Increased Need for Sleep, Low Appetite
  • Dramatic Mood Swings

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