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Interested or Deceptively Flirting? - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

How to Know if the Flirting is Genuine

With Valentine’s Day, many couples celebrated the holiday with flirting and flowers. But how do you know if the flirting indicates real interest or is just manipulation?

A lot of people have had terrible experiences in dating. How do you know if someone is just trying to manipulate you or is really interested?

Deliberate deception is rampant in the dating world and you can conclude that at least one third of the people you meet are not being fully honest. They are either deliberately concealing something like having another partner or they falsify and mislead you in the conversation. Either way, you have to be pretty cynical when you’re meeting someone new.

Here are a few signs to help you know if someone you’re flirting with or dating is deceiving you:

Focus on Words and Face: Facial expressions are a dead giveaway but liars are renowned for ignoring their expressions. Most liars focus on their words first and their facial expressions second. Watch their face and see if their expression fits with what they’re saying.

Smiling is the most common facial expression used to conceal deceit because it requires the least effort and doesn’t distract the liar. Watch to see if the smile fits the topic, if he smiles too soon, too late or if he holds the smile for too long.

Ignores His Voice: Pauses that are too long and frequent speech errors are clues to lying. Liars are often unprepared to lie and their hesitation and stuttering attempts to falsify information are big clues. Also, their voice pitch may rise as they lie.

Notice Breathing, Sweating and Swallowing: Changes in breathing or sweating (especially on the hands and upper lip), increased swallowing, and a very dry mouth are signs of strong emotions that can indicate lying.

Tricky Tilt: Liars tend to lean to the side while standing or sitting and often have both of their arms or legs closed. Eyes can stare too long and then shift rapidly and downward.

Too Many or Too Few Details: When someone is lying to you, they either provide too many or too few details. Either excess or a lack of information is intended to deceive you.

Technology Fuels Lies: Liars love to use their cell, texting or email to lie. Directly confronting you face to face is more complicated since they have to control both their words and actions to successfully deceive. In one study, 72% of lies were delivered digitally while only 27% were delivered in face-to-face encounters.

Too Many Questions and Reassurances: Liars often ask for questions to be repeated to buy more time. They use phrases like, “you can trust me,” or “to be perfectly honest.” Remember that all of these behaviors are at your expense.

Which gender is more likely to lie?

Men and women lie at the same rates but about different things. Women are more likely to lie to make you feel good in the moment while men rearrange the truth to make themselves look better.

Now in flirting, women in particular are much more likely to be mislead. Women are much more likely to actively flirt with a new available guy even though they have absolutely no interest in him. They often pretend to show interest that is not genuine just to procure his admiration and attention.

Women are shopping for available males and they are basically trying to put the male at ease to evaluate his worth as a potential partner. Even though they may not find him particularly attractive, they may want to assess his other qualities like a sense of humor or intelligence.

Can’t a man also be quite misleading with the ladies?

Men Orient to Beauty: Absolutely, but men are more cut and dry about flirtation than women are. The bottom line is that they put a much higher premium on physical attractiveness than women do in the initial phases of courting. If he is not attracted to the woman, he will usually be less friendly at first.

Women are in Charge of Flirting: However, most men will begin to flirt if they are picking up the right non-verbal cues from the woman. Guys like to think that they are choosing whom to flirt with but nothing could be further from the truth. Women are almost always the instigators of courtship and flirtation on the dating field. Ninety percent of the time, the woman is the one to send a variety of subtle eye, body and facial signals to the targeted man. He is merely responding to the multiple non-verbal signals she has been blasting across the room.

Finally, why is it so hard for many of us to pick up on liars in the dating scene?

Many of us have difficulty believing that someone would deliberately set out to manipulate us so we try to fill in the blanks and ignore critical information to make sense of the lie—we basically work to believe him. It’s also hard for honest people to believe that some people really get off on misleading others. They actually take delight in selling you on their deception. Once you know they are deceitful, though, run and run fast!

Fake Flirting? - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

How Men And Women Lie On The First Date - By Chris Gearing

Monday, February 14, 2011

Deceptive Flirting - By Chris Gearing

Friday, February 11, 2011

Survival Of The Kindest - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

With Valentine’s just around the corner, millions of Americans are planning a special treat for our sweetheart. But new research from the University of California at Berkeley suggests that giving to others throughout the year may actually be the secret of good health and can even extend your life.

So exactly how can giving to others actually be a benefit to ourselves?

Scientists have long thought that the survival of the fittest was the gold standard on longevity and on success—the “dog eat dog” mentality where the best competitors survive against all odds. But we are finding that human beings are actually hard wired for giving to others—what psychologists call selflessness. Now we know that caring for others is biologically based too. Sympathy, socializing in groups, caring for our offspring and elderly parents, helping someone across the street, and donating money to charities are all a part of our basic and better nature.

The best news is that you actually increase your own lifespan when you reach out to others consistently. In landmark research psychologists now report that people who serve others--whether it’s through building a house or caring for an elderly parent--will not only increase their happiness quotient but may live longer and better than others.

How does helping someone else improve your physical health?

In the Company of Others: We are built to move in communities and Mother Nature punishes those who do not reach out. Socializing actually increases your immunity and protects you from illness. Sadly, isolated people have double the mortality rates. Giving to others keeps you socializing and alive.

Helper’s High: Research reports that volunteerism produces a helper’s high, similar to a runner’s high. The best part is that volunteers then have a longer lasting sense of calm and heighted emotional well being. Your mood literally improves as you serve the interests of others. A study of almost 3000 men found that those who volunteered for community organizations were two and a half time less likely to die. Volunteering is literally a way to ward off old age.

Giving to Others Literally Counteracts Stress. Giving to others can actually combat the effects of stress by preventing the nervous system from being overwhelmed when adversity arises. When we earn the gratitude of others, our brains are flooded with endorphins, those neurological hormones that make us feel so much better.

Reach Out to Others: Interestingly, even giving to others when your life isn’t going well may be a secret to getting through hard times. In one study, a sociologist studied the data from over 100 disasters. People who reached out to others survived the longest, made the best recoveries and enjoyed the best health.

Continued Giving: People who continue to give over time earn the best dividends. You may literally age slower—your skin will stay moist, your muscles may be more toned, you won’t lose so much hair—because you are less stressed. The bottom line is that positive emotions like compassion and empathy are incredibly powerful feelings and your body and mind love them. Better yet, they will keep you alive longer.

How Men And Women See Rejection Differently - By Chris Gearing

Monday, February 07, 2011

Attraction And Breaking Up - By Chris Gearing

Friday, February 04, 2011

How Breaking Up Affects The Next Relationship - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Attraction and Breaking Up

How Men and Women See Rejection Differently

Yet another difference between men and women was revealed by a new study from the University of Michigan that says how you react to your partner’s previous relationship may actually depend on your gender. Here to tell us more is psychologist, Dr. Sylvia Gearing.

So how does your last relationship affect how your new partner sees you?

This study really surprised the researchers because the opinions were so strong, but who-breaks-up-with-who seems to set a tone for the beginning of the next relationship. Apparently, whether you were rejected or were the one who rejected gives a certain appearance that is either relationship enhancing or detracting depending on your gender. Here’s what the study reports:

Men’s rating of their girlfriend improved when she has been rejected.

Women want the man to be the rejecting party and finds men more desirable if they were the ones to walk away.

Why would men be attracted to a rejected woman?

Men are very sensitive to their own hierarchy and power. Since men apparently like women who have been dumped, they may feel more important and secure in their power from the beginning. They may be reading her previous loyalty to her former partner as a virtue and feel reassured that they are less likely to be rejected. Many men also enjoy “rescue” relationships in which they feel needed, sought after, and truly valued. The fact that the last guy walked away makes them feel that they are making a difference in her life and that she is completely open to him. They do not see the fact that she was dumped as a problem with her, but rather as a new and wonderful opportunity for them.

What about how women react?

Women are Sensitive to Being Excluded and Included. We know from female psychology that women feel the ultimate insult is excluding someone from your life. Women prefer guys who pushed their last lady away since such actions offer a fresh start to a new relationship. The fact that he put an end to the relationship also seems to give it more closure – they feel secure that he won’t go back. They seem to view the rejecting male as stronger, more decisive and able to make difficult decisions about important matters.

Any parting advice for our viewers?

Attraction is Complex: Remember that attraction in a relationship is a complex response, especially when it comes to the female brain. A woman’s attraction to a man is much more complex than we ever thought possible. Forget personality, looks, or even money -- women seem to be drawn at times to unlikely partners for reasons as simple as his relationship history.

Consider the Entire Picture: Both genders need to make sure that they include many factors in deciding whether they want to pursue a relationship or not. Make sure you don’t judge him or her too harshly—you may be missing a great person. Each person that you date should be understood as an individual who made the best decision he could at the time.

Ask More Questions: If you are unsure about someone, ask more questions. For example, if you are a man and are dating a woman who walked out on a relationship, make sure you understand exactly what her reasons were. She may have shown extraordinary strength of character in leaving.

In the reverse, if you are a woman and dating a man who was left, consider that he may have been loyal and true until the very end. How he acted with her can be predictive of where he goes with you.


"Rejection Hurts" by Christine Stanik

Reaction To Past Relationships Depends On Gender - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How To Buy Gifts For The Ones You Love - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, December 16, 2010

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