Therapy That Works...

The New Trend of "Comfort Sex" - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Have you ever just had one of those days? Maybe your presentation at work didn’t go according to plan or your mother-in-law got on your case about how unclean your house is. Whatever the case may be, you need something to pick you up.

Many people are now engaging in what is informally called “Comfort Sex” where they are intimate with their spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend to get a much needed shot of endorphins and dopamine to help take the edge off the day.

I recommend it to my patients because its benefits are numerous:

1.) You can enhance your relationship with the other person just by having sex regularly

2.) This is a much healthier and natural way to make yourself feel better without drinking or eating anything

3.) Sex can be a great work out, and has been shown to burn somewhere around 500 calories per hour

So if you’re having a particularly tough day, consider calling up your partner and trying comfort sex instead of going out to the bar or indulging in “retail therapy.”

Sources:

"Comfort Sex: Is It A Bad Thing?" by Jill Di Donato, HuffingtonPost.com

"I Love Female Orgasms" by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller, Illustrated by Shirley Chiang

The Shave That Turns Her On - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Most guys think that women want them to be clean-shaven, especially since they already have to shave for work. But new research shows that women may disagree.

When presented with a range of men with different degrees of facial hair, women universally rated men with light stubble as sexier than men who were clean-shaven.

But don’t take it too far – they also ranked men with full beards as the least sexy. The attraction to stubble was found to be even higher when the women were ovulating.

So gentlemen if you are hoping to heat things up, try giving your razor a break.

Source:

MensHealth.com

Domestic Violence In Relationships - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Why are relationship violence rates so high?

These numbers speak to a deepening problem in American couples. Too many modern couples replace words and negotiation with intimidation and bullying. Relationship violence can easily get out of control. We are more exhausted, less affluent and less conscientious about doing the right thing even when no one is watching. We live in a society now that rewards the intimidation of others. Bullis believe that if they don’t get their way, that they can threaten or intimidate others to control the outcome. Such behaviors in general society have transferred to our marriages. These violent habits now thrive in intimate relationships where there is no witness and very sadly, no accountability.

How does this kind of relationship violence get started?

Malignant Trend: We already knew that about 70% to 80% of distressed couples could resort to occasional pushing and shoving when there is chronic tension. But this survey speaks to a more malignant trend in relationships. Relationship violence usually starts suddenly with a slap or a shove. There is shock at the beginning as the intensity and the frequency progressively increase.

Violence Becomes the Norm: The woman is intensely harmed—hit hard, kicked, violently attacked, choked, beaten, shot or slammed against a hard surface by her partner. Her denial kicks in and she pretends that this is either her fault or a normal part of life.

Witnesses to Violence in Family of Origin: Many women of the current generations have witnessed domestic violence in their parents’ relationships. When they grow up with violence, they are twice as likely to accept or normalize violence in their own relationships.

Overwhelming Trauma: The emotional damage is exponentially worse when you are traumatized at the hands of your partner. The person who is supposed to protect and honor you is now torturing you with bullying and intimidation. Twenty nine million women say that they have suffered this type of severe and frightening physical violence from their boyfriend, spouse or intimate partner.

Why do men move to violence against their wives?

There are two broad categories of men who become violent in relationships:

Men Who Control at All Costs:

  • Controlling and contemptuous personalities.
  • Regards the wife as a possession, not a person.
  • Anger issues
  • An inability to take responsibility for his behavior.

Emotional Dependence on the Wife/Girlfriend:

  • When she elects to reject him or disagree, he is devastated.
  • He becomes psychologically disorganized and seeks to isolate her and reestablish control.
  • If he cannot resume control and/or connection, his obsession will lead him to a total self-destruction that can include dangerous behaviors.

What are the warning signs of potential violence?

Physical Violence: Once he crosses the line, you have changed the relationship forever.

Symbolic Violence: This behavior includes the destruction of objects dear to the partner. The intention is to intimidate the other person. Wedding pictures, personal items like perfume or lingerie or even violence against a beloved pet are all efforts to symbolically intimate.

Fast Paced Relationships: When the pace is accelerated at the beginning, this is a control strategy.

Persistence: Anyone who will not hear “no” as an answer is trying to control you. Too often, when men say “no” that is the end of the conversation. When the woman says “no” in a potentially violent relationship, this marks the beginning of the negotiation.

What can women do to protect themselves?

Unavailability at All Costs: If you fear your partner, you must surrender your daily life to separating from him. Remember that you cannot reason with him, convince him or soothe him since he is intent upon reclaiming you as a possession. He only wants to regain control.

Worst Safety Threat is Your Own Denial: Women underestimate threat and do not recognize the warning signs such as a history of possessiveness, intimidation and sexual jealousy. These are the psychological "signposts" warning you of potential danger. Pay attention.

Intuition is Best Defense: Respect your own intuition and don't talk yourself down. Stop debating and prosecuting your own observations. Thirty one thousand women die each year in America and the majority die at the hands of an intimate partner.

Speed is Your Best Protection: If you are threatened, respond quickly. Do not hesitate and remain frozen. Experts estimate that you have approximately five seconds to make a difference in your own self defense. A failure to act may cost you your life.

How Each Gender Feels About "Friends With Benefits" - By Chris Gearing

Friday, December 02, 2011

Friends With Benefits - Can It Work? - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, December 01, 2011

The Three Blessings Technique - By Chris Gearing

Friday, October 14, 2011

Six Quick Marriage Saving Tips - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Golden Marriage Ratio - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Common Marriage Pitfalls, Part 2 - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Common Marriage Pitfalls, Part 1 - By Chris Gearing

Monday, October 10, 2011

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