Therapy That Works...

Men's Issues - Grumpy Husbands & Pessimistic Thinking - By Chris Gearing

Monday, May 05, 2014

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss how pessimistic thinking can lead to grumpy husbands - txt to link goes here.

Many wives are perplexed with husbands that are regularly grumpy. They often don’t know how to help their grumpy partners pull out of their negative thinking, and that feeling of helplessness often leads to grumpy wives. Here are some reasons why your man may be so negative:

From Childhood

Most grumpy people don’t intend to be negative. Pessimistic thinking often originates in the thinking habits that many of us develop in childhood. When we used them as children to explain events in our lives to ourselves, they made a lot of sense. As we have become adults, we are still using old explanations for new events. It’s kind of like if you wore the same pair of shoes from your childhood as an adult. The old pessimistic thinking continues to frame events in our lives in a negative, gloomy way.

Hopelessness Cycle

Unfortunately, pessimistic thinking is often reinforced with regularity. When you’re always expecting a bad outcome, you’re going to be right a lot of the time. We stop challenging our negative thoughts and begin to lose hope for our lives. The cycle takes hold and you’re pessimistic thinking begins to downsize your life.

Accepting The Worst

Negative minds tend to give up and just accept the inevitability of a lousy outcome. On a fundamental level, they are convinced that they are ineffective and are helpless to change their lives for the better. They stop trying and settle for what life gives them.

For more information on what you can do to help someone with pessimistic thinking or clinical depression, watch my series on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy on my blog or on our Facebook page.

Psychological Resilience - The Advantages of Mind Over Emotions - By Chris Gearing

Friday, May 02, 2014

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss some of the benefits of using your logical mind to focus the emotional centers of your brain - click here.

Here are several advantages of using your logical mind rather than your emotions:

See The Whole Board

Master chess players often remind students that one of the keys to winning at chess is to be aware of the whole board. They know where every piece is on the board and they have a good idea what their opponent will try next turn. When you remain calm and can objectively work through every detail and issue, you have a better chance of solving the problem. You can understand what happened, how it happened and what you might have done differently. Your thinking will remain clear, disciplined, and accurate.

Leading With Focus

If your mind is clear and focused, you are better able to understand and work with those around you. By keeping your emotions well regulated, you can actually hear and understand what other people are thinking and feeling. It’s much easier to maintain order during tough times when you are calm and in control of your feelings.

Two Become One

Research has shown that we are most effective when our logical minds are working hand-in-hand with our emotional centers. By slowing down and remaining calm, our analytical abilities can partner with our emotions to create a new solution that may not have been obvious at first.

Most importantly, positive outcomes generate self-confidence and a belief that you can handle the problems that you face.

Psychological Resilience – The Steps of Self-Reflection - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss the steps of self-reflection and how you can make sure you're on the right track - click here.

Self-reflection is one of the best strategies to overcome adversity.

Here are some self-reflection strategies that highly effective people utilize to make sure they are heading in the right direction.

Slow Down to Go Further

One of the best things you can do is quiet your mind long enough to focus on what is happening without interference from your emotions or distracting thoughts. When you are in the middle of a major life transition or tragic event, slow down and take stock of where you are. Anxiety makes your mind and body speed up, but it also makes you inefficient in dealing with problems. When adversity hits, take more time to remain quiet and calm. Sleep more, eat well, and exercise regularly. Even slow your speech down and measure your words carefully.

Avoid the Isolation Island

Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself and make a point to see your friends and family. A rough patch is only made worse when you go through it alone. Make sure that you only see the positive people in your life since other people’s negative words and moods are harder to shake especially when you are already going through a rough time.

Give Yourself A Break

Every day, set some time aside to devote a certain amount of time to being still—no screens, no texts, no talking. Breathe deeply and focus on your breath for at least ten minutes. Be quiet and let your mind rest so that you can anchor yourself and be effective for the next play. Even a short meditation session allows your mind to reboot and refresh.

Psychological Resilience – The Value of Self-Reflection - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describe why self-reflection is important to your success - click here.

Many of us think that turning inward is something other people do when they have nothing better to do.

Some of us see it as self-indulgent, ineffective, or even a waste of time. However effective self-reflection can be an incredibly valuable first step if you are going through a rough patch. You can’t plan your next move if you don’t understand how you got to where you are today.

To strategically move forward, you must first catalogue the events that brought you to your current adversity, and the decisions you’ve made so far.

Once you have organized the events in your mind, you’ll find that there is less anxiety associated with the event. There is now a clear narrative where there was once disorganized pain. You’ll feel safer and calmer because you will have anchored yourself in the here and now, and you will fully understand that the traumatic events are in the past. You are safe.

Psychological Resilience - Moving Past Adversity Effectively - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing discuss how you can move past adversity effectively by using psychological resilience skills - click here.

Inevitably we all encounter disappointments, tragedies, and setbacks in our professional and personal lives. Jobs are lost, beloved parents die, we lose touch with close friends, and dreams for how we wanted out lives to turn out vanish.

However, research has shown that how you handle adversity in your life will actually determine where your life will go next.

Remember that it is not the adversity itself that determines what happens next. It is your reaction to the adversity and how you think about it that ultimately determines where you end up.

If you spiral into negativity, your bad mood will sabotage your ability to effectively solve the problem. You’ll become stuck in the “what if’s” and the agony of the situation. You’ll lose sight of how you can turn this adversity into something beneficial. The situation that seems so awful, so devastating right now can be the catalyst for making you stronger and more effective in the future.

True wisdom is usually hard won, and our challenges in life can be the very events that take us to the next level. Hopefully, after overcoming a setback you will truly value your resilience since you’ve learned that what is happening today is temporary and will not determine tomorrow unless you let it. The rest of your life can and will be determined by the resolve you demonstrate in the moment and your ability to triumph over setbacks.

Moving past adversity requires a particular set of thinking skills that, if used consistently, can take your life to the next level.

This series of presentations will give you some important tips and strategies for how to move past adversity effectively and overcome obstacles in your path.

Dealing With Anxiety During The Holidays - By Chris Gearing

Friday, November 15, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing on KTXD 47 discuss how to handle your stress during the holidays - click here.

Childhood Depression - How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Can Help Your Child - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describe how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help your child or teen defeat depression - click here.

One of the saddest facts of modern psychology is the soaring rates of childhood depression and anxiety.

Between 1987 and 1997, the number of kids and teens on mood altering drugs tripled. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for our young people from ages 15 to 24. Most parents couldn’t image that their child’s sadness could ultimately become something that threatens their lives.

The good news is that clinical depression and anxiety are highly treatable in children.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for children is designed to equip them with the tools to help them change their inaccurate, negative thinking and redefine their worldview. Whether negative thinking is from tough times at school or at home or maybe even caused by genetics, cognitive therapy can help them convert negative feelings into realistic, accurate, and optimistic thoughts.

According to the founder of Cognitive therapy, Dr. Aaron Beck, how your child thinks during times of adversity and sadness can determine whether or not they will have a depressive outlook for the rest of their life. Children often take the most catastrophic view of things where problems are permanent, pervasive, and entirely their fault. They often conclude that there is nothing they could do to improve things. Psychologists call this type of hopeless, defeated thinking “learned helplessness.” Learned helplessness becomes a defining philosophy and these children stop trying to change their lives. They give up and give in to negative thinking.

Cognitive therapists help your child see events more accurately and effectively.

They teach kids that adversity is usually short-term and solvable. Many children learn that they can change the outcome of events and setbacks are not always their fault. They learn how to overcome obstacles that seem unfair, unpredictable, and unavoidable.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for children has some of the highest success rates in the industry, and CBT can help inoculate your child against future depression and anxiety.

Since 84% of depressed kids also experience depression as an adult, learning these skills early in life will equip them with the tools for a highly successful and happy future.

Sources:

"The Optimistic Child" by Dr. Martin Seligman

"Treatment Plans and Interventions for Depression and Anxiety Disorders, Second Edition" by Robert Leahy, Stephen Holland, and Lata McGinn

Childhood Depression - 5 Ways Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Can Help Your Child - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing list five ways that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help your child fight off depression for the rest of their life - click here.

If you are considering working with a cognitive therapist, here are a few ways that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy can help your child:

Identifying My Feelings

Like many adults, children can overreact, misinterpret events, and lapse into a cycle of negative thinking that can compromise their success. Our therapists begin by helping your child learn how to identify feelings and to differentiate between similar feelings. For example, frustration is not anger and disappointment is not guilt.

Feeling Intensity Scale

Once your child is capable of differentiating between different types of feelings, we teach them how to rate the intensity of their feelings. We teach them how to understand their feelings and to make sure the intensity matches the situation.

Accurate Thoughts Not Guaranteed

As your child learns about their feelings, they will begin to understand that their negative thoughts are not facts. Feelings are theories about how to react to an event. We teach them how to systematically examine their negative thoughts and feelings to make sure that they are accurate and appropriate. They no longer assume that their pessimistic feelings are correct, and we teach them how to push past automatic negative thoughts calmly and positively.

Back In Control

When your child learns that negative feelings may not be accurate, they begin to have more control over their thoughts and actions. Automatic negative thoughts may still pop up from time to time, but they now they have the tools to dispute their negative thoughts and make sure they are accurately experiencing events in their life.

The Student Becomes The Master

We continue to help your child practice and perfect their cognitive skills so that they become automatic and effortless. By honing his cognitive skills, a child can begin to build the essential coping skills that lead to resilient living. Once they have mastered these skills, your child will be able to control their thoughts and actions, improve their behavior, and step into a whole new world of happiness and possibilities.

Sources:

"The Optimistic Child" by Dr. Martin Seligman

"Treatment Plans and Interventions for Depression and Anxiety Disorders, Second Edition" by Robert Leahy, Stephen Holland, and Lata McGinn

Weight Loss - Why Don't Fad Diets Work? - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia Gearing describe why fad diets may work for the short term, but your psychology could sabotage your long term weight loss goals - click here.

Every year, millions of Americans embrace new, trendy diets to lose weight. Whether it’s South Beach, Paleo, or Atkins, there always seems to be a new diet plan that will help you lose weight with little to no effort or exercise! Even with all of these so-called “miracle diets,” one out of every three American adults is obese.

So, why do we keep falling for the fad diet run-around?

Trying To Compete

Many men and women are influenced not only by the images in the movies and on TV, but also their peers. Rates of plastic surgery and liposuction are growing every year, and many people can’t keep up. Pressure from friends or colleagues can reach a boiling point, and many adults feel like they need to lose a lot of weight very quickly. They often turn to fad or extreme diets to drop the weight.

Short Terms Vs. Long Term

Many people find fad and extreme diets alluring. Either no effort is required or you just have to suffer for a short time to be beautiful! They can tough it out for that kind of reward, right? But many people don’t realize the kinds of serious side effects extreme diets can have on the body, and how on-again-off-again fad diets can actually lead to weight gain!

Why don’t fad diets work well?

Quick Loss, Quick Gain

Many fad or extreme diets may actually work for the short term, but what most people fail to realize is that once they are off the diet – they usually regain the weight with a vengeance. A starving body will soak up and hold onto any calories it receives in the future, and it usually holds on much tighter to the new weight.

Chemical Manipulation

Many diets manipulate your body’s hormonal or chemical balances to achieve quick, superficial results. However, shifting your body’s hormone and chemical balance can have long term health effects and you should talk to your doctor about the health risks.

Lifestyle Change

Without a change of lifestyle and a fundamental change in your attitude towards food, any diet will only work while you are strictly following its rules. The only way to truly lose weight is to adopt a completely different, healthy lifestyle that balances food, exercise, and plenty of rest.

Source:

The work of Dr Martin Seligman

"Generation Me" by Jean Twenge

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC.gov)

“The Beck Diet Solution” by Judith Beck, Ph.D.

Growing Kids Strong - The Wrong Way To Rescue - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Watch Dr. Sylvia describe some of the most common ways that parents try to comfort their kids and the possible long term emotional consequences - click here.

Every parent has done it. When our children experience anxiety, anger, or sadness, we swoop in to save the day and hopefully make them feel better. However, many parents use strategies that can actually increase negative feelings and set their children up for a lifetime of pessimistic thoughts, anxiety, and depression.

Here are three very common, but potentially damaging ways to rescue your child from negative feelings:

“I Think You’re The Best”

If they think they’re stupid, we say they’re smart. If they sat out the big game on the bench, we say they were the best athlete on the field. Sometimes, we lie to our kids and present them with a false reality to make them feel better in the moment. However, we aren’t fooling anyone, especially our kids. They know what we’re doing and they tend to resent it. Now they not only feel sad or angry about the situation, they’re mad at you too. We should tell our kids the truth and hopefully turn a temporary frustration into an opportunity for masterful action. If they failed the test, encourage them to study harder next time and you can work on practice problems together. It’s not that they’re stupid, it’s that they have a temporary problem with an easy solution.

“Let Me Do It For You”

We’ve all felt the urge to swoop in and help our kids work on a project, especially if they are having a difficult time. However, some parents go too far and try to make their child feel better by taking over the project entirely. The project may turn out wonderfully, but you’ve planted a dangerous belief in your child’s mind - “If I start to get frustrated or bored, give up and let someone else do it for me.” There is nothing wrong with your child experiencing negative feelings. The important thing is how they think about and recover from setbacks and frustrations. Instead of taking over the project, try to talk to your child about what they are feeling and why they feel that way. Talking to your child about how to overcome failure and bounce back from frustration is one of the best things you can ever teach them.

“Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself”

One of the most important things you can teach your child is how to frame and interpret events in their life. Most parents don’t know what to say to their kids when they are upset, and they often use temporary distractions to make their child feel better in the moment. But ice cream and video games can only go so far. Parents need to get in the habit of disputing their child’s negative thoughts. They need to teach their child how to fight back against the negative thoughts that can take over their mind. A failing grade becomes “I’m just a dummy.” A failed social situation becomes “I’m a loser.” Teach your child that their problems are temporary and almost always have an easy solution.

Many children are their own worst enemy and regularly tear themselves down with negative thinking. Pessimistic children tend to give up and let life pass them by. Interventions, like these cognitive techniques, early in life can prepare your child for a life of optimism and perseverance. Success usually requires hard work and dedication, and your child will be ready to bounce back from any set back and overcome any obstacle.

Source:

"The Optimistic Child" by Dr. Martin Seligman


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