Therapy That Works...

The Advantages Of Having A Working Mom - By Chris Gearing

Friday, October 29, 2010

Are Working Mothers Bad For Their Children? - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What To Do About Your Self-Mutilating Teen - By Chris Gearing

Friday, October 22, 2010

How To Spot Teens Who Cut And Burn Video - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Are The Kids All Right? - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Are the Kids All Right?

Working Moms and Their Children’s Welfare

CBS 11 News

Dr. Sylvia Gearing

Women now comprise 51% of the workforce and the number of working moms who are the sole breadwinners has increased for the third year in a row. But does a working mom negatively impact her child’s development? New landmark research just released by the American Psychological Association says “no.”

Is the mother working outside the home bad for the child?

Absolutely not. In fact, most studies tell us that working women have higher self esteem, are stronger emotionally and financially, and are actually excellent mothers. The children benefit from having a mother who is confident, resourceful and in control of her life – traits they idolize and learn. This landmark study reviewed 69 studies over the last 50 years and found that children whose moms return to work before the child is three do just fine—they don’t show increased anxiety, behavioral problems, or low self esteem. In fact, they flourish emotionally and socially. A happy mother produces a happy child.

But how do mothers feel about these findings?

Ambivalent About Working: No, most working moms are very ambivalent about leaving their kids especially when they’re young. Women are experts at beating themselves up and being the perfect mother is something we expect of ourselves, no excuses. Although most working mothers are pleased to have a job in this economy, they wonder if they are doing the right thing when it comes to their kids. This attitude was confirmed by the Pew Research Center which reported that working women remain conflicted about the competing roles they play at home and at work. We still do twice as much housework and childcare as our husbands despite his increasing contributions around the house.

Lack of Community Support: But what is most interesting is the lack of support many young mothers feel from their communities and families. Young working moms often feel judged by others. Despite the fact that society overwhelming believes that both men and women should contribute financially, working mothers of young children suffer a special penalty. Only 12% of the public says that it’s best for a young child if his mother works full time. This new study now totally shatters this outdated sentiment which has defined generations of mothers.

Are children reaping the rewards of having a working mom throughout their development?

There are several advantages for children with working moms:

More Resources: Working moms provide more financial resources to their children. When you have to cut the pie into fewer pieces, there’s more for each child. These concentrated resources allow children to develop a wide array of skills and interests. Nothing is more important to the mother than the advantages she can provide her children.

More Education, Fewer Kids: As women become better educated, they have fewer kids. So not only do these kids reap the benefits of having more resources, but they have incredible mothers who manage offices, stock portfolios, and surgery rooms. These mothers can pass along their wealth of knowledge, self discipline and resilience to prepare their kids for life!

Confidence and Independence: Research shows that working mothers are generally more confident than moms who stay at home, and children benefit enormously from having an engaged, empowered mother. Children tend to adopt the attitudes and habits of their mothers and the child of a working mom has a decided advantage.

But of course, there are several lifelong benefits to having the mother at home

Without a doubt, remaining home with baby is a wonderful experience and is what most of us long to do if we can afford it. The child luxuriates in having a dedicated caretaker who patiently mentors him on a daily basis. Stay at home moms are talented at providing that stable, predictable and enriched environment that only a mother can really give. It is a wonderful gift to give your child if you can do it, but if there are financial realities that prevail, it is okay to work. There are many strategies in rearing outstanding children. The real secret is being an emotionally intelligent parent who is willing to help the child gather strength and confidence in himself.

Adult Child Anxiety! Video - By Chris Gearing

Monday, October 18, 2010

What To Do About Parental Alienation Video - By Chris Gearing

Friday, October 15, 2010

Is Parental Alienation A Real Problem? Video - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Stopping Self-Mutilation - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Stopping Self-Mutilation:

What To Do About Teens Who Cut And Burn

Cutting, burning, and pinching are all ways that teenagers try to hurt themselves. A recent study found that 20% of teens have engaged in self-injury at some point in their adolescence.

But what’s the big deal?

Underlying Diagnosis: Beyond the obvious risks of serious physical injury or infection, this behavior can have devastating consequences psychologically. Self-injury is usually caused by some kind of deeper issue such as undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and extreme social isolation. In addition, teens who self-mutilate are at a much higher risk to commit suicide.

Lack of Coping: Most self-injurers report that they use it as a means to cope with negative emotions and to calm themselves down. In effect, their self-mutilation tricks the brain into releasing endorphins which numb pain and cause a sense of euphoria.

Teens hurt themselves for reasons that fit into four distinct categories:

1.) Release of tension and to stop negative feelings about themselves or others

2.) To feel, experience, and maybe even enjoy pain

3.) The classic “cry for help”

4.) To become an outsider

Here’s are some specifics ways that teens hurt themselves:

  • Cutting
  • Burning
  • Carving into their skin
  • Intentional breaking of bones
  • Sticking with pins and needles

Parents, your daughters are more likely to cut, carve, and insert pins and needles while your sons are more likely to burn and intentionally break bones.

Now, is this a passing fad or something that parents should really be worried about?

Cyclical Nature: After committing harms to themselves, self-injurers often feel shame about what they have done and fear social rejection for their scars and behavior. This in turn only reinforces whatever anxiety or depression they were feeling beforehand and can start the cycle all over again.

Consequences For Life: Around eighty percent of self-mutilators report stopping the behavior within a few years of starting it due to "growing out of it" or they sought help. However, those who report self-injury tend to report higher levels of sadness and difficulty for the rest of their lives.

If you or someone you know is engaging in self-injury, please seek professional help immediately. This is an extremely difficult thing to deal with without the help of a professional therapist.

Sources:

"The Kids Aren't All Right" by Rachael Rettner on MSNBC.com, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39100605/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/

The Effect of Parental Alienation On Children - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Parental Alienation II:

The Effect of Parental Alienation on Children

Parental alienation—the relentless campaign of one estranged parent to destroy their child’ relationship with the other parent—is on the rise. It spans the range from careless hostile remarks to premeditated and systematic attempts to assassinate the character of the targeted parent.

If you are concerned if your child is a victim of parental alienation, be on the lookout for the following behaviors:

Brainwashed by Lies: These kids are basically brainwashed and now regard their targeted parent as the enemy or as a worthless afterthought. This kind of betrayal can occur even in the most tender and loving relationships. Tragically, I have seen such division lasting for years.

Contempt, Rejection and Disrespect: The child shows contempt, rejection, and disrespect for the targeted parent. These comments are often irrational, insulting and traumatizing to the parent who feels helpless and hopeless.

Rehearsed Answers: The child has been taught to orient to the controlling needs of the alienating parent at all costs. He is often unable to specify why he dislikes the targeted parent. In fact, he may exaggerate the faults of the parent to justify his rejection. His comments parrot the alienator’s words and feelings.

Long Term Damage: There is minimal data on the long-term effects of such alienation on kids. However, we do know that the earlier the separation from a parent, the more traumatic it is for the child. The basic tenants of loving relationships—trust, loyalty, and forgiveness are never learned and the child may struggle for a lifetime because of these experiences.

There are several steps you can take to preserve your relationship with your child:

Educate Yourself: Parental alienation can be an elusive phenomenon to prove especially in a highly intense forum such as child custody. There are several books with great resources that are “must reads” for parents (Please see the sources for this post).

Remain Calm: Understand that you have been systematically undermined and that you are taking every step to remediate the situation. Focus on what you can control and don’t stress about other factors. Do not lose your temper, reject your child or insult your ex in front of your child.

Work with Great Experts: Hire a psychologist and a lawyer who are proven experts in parental alienation. The therapist must acknowledge the massive psychological impact such alienation has on the child and targeted parent. Your attorney needs to possess a solid understanding of this type of emotional abuse and the substantial legal skills to protect your child and your interests.

Sources:

"Divorce Poison," Dr. Richard Warshak

"The Custody Revolution" by Dr. Richard Warshak

"Divorce Casualties: Understanding Parental Alienation," Dr. Douglas Darnall


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