Therapy That Works...

Dr. Sylvia Gearing On CW33 - By Chris Gearing

Monday, August 02, 2010

Here's the CW 33 story Dr. Sylvia Gearing was featured on over the weekend!

Watch or read it here:

http://www.the33tv.com/news/kdaf-chelsea-clinton-lie-lying-lover-marriage-gearing-story,0,5381269.story

Beauty & Intrigue In America - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

By Dr. Sylvia Gearing

With the recent release of Angelina Jolie’s summer blockbuster “Salt,” Russian spies are all the rage these days. In fact, the news has been saturated with Russian spies in America – possibly subverting and sabotaging our country. Why is America fascinated with these female Russian spies?

Here is why these stories have legs:

Risk and Intrigue:

Americans are suckers for intrigue and risk. When danger calls, we enjoy that vicarious rush, without actually taking the risk ourselves. When we hear about spies and espionage, it catches people’s attention because it evokes images of the exotic and sexy -- things we may not experience in our own lives.

Beguiled by Beauty:

The attractiveness of these young women is another reason we are all following the story. Here’s the skinny on beauty:

Attractiveness and Influence:

The relationship between attractiveness and influence on others has been validated by literally thousands of studies. Like it or not, there is a beauty advantage. We just pay attention to pretty people.

Lasting Perceptions:

Throughout our lifetime, we endow attractive people with attributes of more intelligence and capability even when it's not warranted.

Predict People Based on Looks:

Most of us are making basic, uninformed guesses about people who are attractive. These theories about them are often unwarranted since pretty people are not smarter or harder working then the rest of us. But we see them that way anyway - often, with terrible outcomes.

So, if you’re wondering why you can’t turn on your TV without hearing about Russian spies this summer, look no further than the beauty and intrigue factors. It seems that Americans can’t get enough of beauty, especially when it’s dangerous.

Predictive Factors of Divorce - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Dr. Sylvia Gearing

The stunning announcement that the Gores were ending their forty year old marriage raises new questions about the longevity of long term marriages.

We do know that the Gores, as with many couples of that generation, had several risks factors for divorce:

Higher Divorce Rate for Older Marriages: According to research, marriages which originated in the 1960s and 1970s have higher divorce rates. Couples who married in the 1970s have a 47% divorce rate after thirty years.

Young Age at Marriage: The age when you marry is highly significant. Couples who married in their late teens or early twenties in the 70s are especially at risk.

Decades to Go: The Gores are still relatively young, affluent and well connected. In their early sixties, there are many years to come and many boomers long for an emotional connection they may not have realized in their earlier marriage.

While older couples may be splitting more, overall the marital stability rates seem to be improving with each decade and with female education. Among female college graduates, the ten year divorce rate for those married in the 1990s is just 16%. The divorce rate for the same demographic from the 1970s is 23%.

In addition, the increased education, economic self sufficiency and empowerment of today’s young twentysomething females lead to delayed marriage.

The average age for first marriages is 26 for females and 28 for men. With more education, the ages bump up anywhere from two to four years.

Older people just seem to make better marital decisions. They know themselves better, have a clearer understanding of the spousal attributes they are seeking and have the ability to assess a relationship without financial factors being so central. They can really engineer a wonderful beginning to the marriage since they are more mature in their careers and behavior. The marriage enjoys a profound kick start with older twentysomethings and thirtysomethings who invest enormous time cultivating and deepening the marital regard in the early years. Such investments create a sturdy and resilient marriage that will last a lifetime for many of them.

Sources:

Stephanie Coontz, Marriage, A History

Tara Parker Pope, For Better, The Science of a Good Marriage.

How To Detect Domestic Violence - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

by Dr. Sylvia Gearing

The tragic death of University Virginia athlete, Yeardley Love, has raised the question once again of domestic violence in young couples.

Here’s what the latest statistics tell us about this frightening phenomenon:

  • Just under 45% of this age group have experienced violence in a relationship either before or during college.
  • Relationship violence seems to peak prior to college for most kids with 53% of women and 27% of men reporting victimization.
  • Emotional violence was the most common type of violence at all ages but is more common in high school.
  • Both sexual and emotional violence increase in college, if not addressed properly.

How can you detect if someone you know is being abused? Here are the signs:

  • Isolation: Abusive partners prefer that their victim remain isolated and unable to turn to others. In addition, victims isolate themselves from friends and family.
  • Increasing Anxiety and Depression: Domestic abuse victims show signs of anxiety and depression such as agitation, sadness, withdrawal, low energy, emotional mood swings, tearfulness and a decline in functioning at school.
  • Avoiding The Truth: People who are being abused are shell shocked. They are literally frozen by the stress. Many kids from good homes are naive about what abuse is, normalize the actions of the abusive partner and make excuses for the abuser until it is too late.
  • Social Shedding: Victims of emotional of sexual abuse by a partner seem to shed their former relationships—best friends, family connections, socializing patterns. They stop responding to others and deny they are being harassed.
  • Progressive Pain: Look for signs of increasing disconnection from others, less responsiveness and avoidant behavior. They are locked in a cage of agony and don’t know how to ask for help.

So what can you do to help?

Many family and friends prefer not to get involved out of respect of personal boundaries. However, this is one time that you need to speak up. Caring about this person now involves compassionate intervention. Please, do not turn your back.

Gather Evidence: Collect the observations you have had and organize them into a coherent conversation. Specify behaviors you have seen and conversations you may have overheard or read online or through texting.

Stand Your Ground: Domestic violence at this age is especially lethal since adolescent and young adult brains are often immature and impulsive. If you present your evidence and they are still resistant, go to their community of friends and ask them to help. For more serious cases, please seek out a psychologist. However difficult these steps are, they may very well save her life.

Sources: JAMA and Archives Journals (July 8, 2008) Relationship Violence Appears Common Among College Students

Backyard Fight Clubs - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Backyard Fight Clubs: Suburban Violence

By Dr. Sylvia Gearing

Frisco Texas police are reporting ongoing fight clubs in local neighborhood back yards. Adolescent boys are engaging in competitive fighting against one another that is unmonitored and uncensored. Incredibly, some parents are actually approving of this practice and attend the events.

In my opinion, these fight clubs in Frisco and around the country are symptomatic of the ongoing crisis in American males. Most people do not know that violence is becoming a way of life for many of our boys. Here’s what the latest research shows:

  • Boys between the ages of twelve to nineteen commit One third of violent crimes.
  • Homicides are the second leading cause of death of this same age group.
  • Young males are 400% more likely to be murdered than are females.
  • The American Medical Association has determined that ten percent of adolescent males have has been kicked in the groin by age 16.
  • Twenty five percent of these kids develop symptoms of clinical depression in a year after the violent episode due to the overwhelming shame these events created.

Violence, even if it is somewhat “controlled” in a fight club, is symptomatic of a basic problem American men are experiencing. From early childhood, they are not socialized to “metabolize” their emotions and learn instead to express themselves primarily through their actions and achievements.

Over time, many men fail to develop the complex emotional intelligence necessary to manage themselves effectively. They can’t communicate, they can’t recover from failure and they sink into depression on a dime. They become disconnected from what they feel and use a limited number of emotions to navigate their relationships with their wives and girlfriends, often with disastrous results. Relationships fail, achievement is compromised and hearts are broken.

Ironically, anger is a socially approved emotion for young men because it is energizing and protects them from the shame and self-loathing so many of them experience. Fight clubs are a ritualized outlet for boys and men to express their frustration and angst. The clubs are an effort for them to normalize and even to glorify the physical violence they exert against one another. They think that by pitting themselves against an adversary, they demonstrate their machismo, defend their honor, and show how tough they really are.

Many kids see fighting as a futile attempt to bond with others and to express their individuality as a man. This ritual of “connection” gives them an illusion of being tough, invincible and undefeatable. I believe that such rituals, even in the backyard, are capable of desensitizing kids to violence and are likely to increase their use of violence, bullying and intimidation to get what they want.

These practices are indefensible and should be actively banned from our communities. Any parent who turns a blind eye to this kind of activity is ultimately sabotaging his son while teaching him that violence can be both an outlet and a solution.

Source:

Real Boys by William Pollack, Ph.D.

Katherine Bigelow's Big Night - By Chris Gearing

Monday, March 08, 2010

By Dr. Sylvia Gearing

I read an article on Huffington Post the other day (read it here) on “11 Women Who Are Changing The World.” Ms. Bigelow was added to the list after her big win at the Oscars this past weekend. Also on the list were:

  • Rachel Maddow, the fast-witted, openly gay Rhodes scholar on MSNBC News who is changing the way cable news is run.
  • Nujood Ali, a 10 year old middle-eastern girl, was married off to a man over twice her age. Somehow, she managed to find a lawyer who would take her case and she won her freedom back. You can read all about her struggles in her autobiography “I am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced.”
  • Waris Dirie, a Somali model who has confronted the world on the genital mutilation she and others have endured in her home country. She has started several foundations and is a prolific activist for women’s rights around the world.
  • Sheryl WuDunn, a Pulitzer Prize winner, co-authored the book “Half The Sky.” The book argues that the path to success in the developing world is paved with investments in the education and empowerment of women.
  • Somaly Mam was sold into sex slavery as a child in 1970’s Cambodia. After countless traumas and tragedies, she escaped and is now a worldwide leader dedicated to ending human trafficking and slavery.

Thirty years ago, all of these women would have been dismissed and marginalized. Today, they are celebrated. They are leaders of industry, politics, and the fight for human rights. Their example speaks to a worldwide phenomenon that is just beginning to manifest.

Women are realizing an unprecedented power. We are influencing society at every level. As a gender, it is essential to celebrate our brightest lights as evidenced in these shining examples of womanhood.

Please take a moment today to appreciate yourself as a woman and to applaud the women around you.

Dr. Sylvia


Recent Posts


Tags


Archive