Therapy That Works...

How To Be Emotionally Intelligent At Work - Video - By Chris Gearing

Thursday, August 05, 2010

How To Catch A Liar, Part 3 - Video - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

How To Catch A Liar, Part 3 - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

How to Know if You’re Partner is Lying To You

Lying in America is sadly more common than ever with current studies estimating that we lie in about one fourth of our interactions with others. Most of these lies are committed to make our lives easier or to set boundaries with others. But the majority of Americans believe that you shouldn’t lie to your partner. Since trust is the foundation of love, lying can undermine even the best of love affairs. So why do all of us want to believe our partners so much?

Skin In The Game:

When you’re in a relationship, you want to believe your partner. You have “skin in the game” and have invested in this person. When he begins to lie, it's hard to believe that that he thinks so little of you. You don't want to believe that he would make up a lie, sell the lie to you and then watch while you believe it.

Unfortunately, most of us end up filling in the blanks of information a liar omits in an effort to see him in a positive light. If he is lying and we work to believe him, he is basically getting away with it.

Gender Differences in Lying:

One study found that men and women lie at the same rates but about different things. Women are more likely to lie to make you feel good while men rearrange the truth to make themselves look better.

Psychos And Sociopaths:

Remember that some people lie flawlessly and are difficult to catch due to their skill. Think Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. They are able to control their emotions, their thoughts, and their bodies simultaneously. The flip side of that coin is that these people are generally sociopaths or psychopaths—definitely not dating material!

Now, if your partner is lying to you – your decision about whether or not to stay ultimately comes down to how invested you are in the relationship.

Here are a few tips depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship:

Early Liars Never Change:

Lying early in the relationship is a big sign of dishonesty. If they’re already lying to you in the beginning, what makes you think they won’t lie to you later on? Pay attention and get out quickly if you hear 2-3 lies in the first few weeks of a relationship. Please don’t pretend that everything is just fine. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache later on.

Road To Recovery:

For long term relationships, you need to confront the problem immediately, set a limit, and establish a zero tolerance policy.

If there is a problem in the relationship, don’t linger—get help and resolve the issues. Most couples wait an average of six years before they seek help - and it's usually too late.

Lying Can Snowball:

Lying is a serious issue and tends to snowball. Rearranging the truth can get to be a bad habit for even the best of us. However, you can go from lying by omission to outright deceit. What seemed innocent in the beginning becomes a habit of pathological lying. Don’t let lying take over -- you won’t know what’s real and what’s a lie.

Source:

Paul Ekman’s excellent work on lying including Unmasking the Face and Emotions Revealed

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

ABC News, Study: We All Tell Lies Over the Phone, February 25, 2004

How To Catch A Liar, Part 3 - By Chris Gearing

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

How to Know if You’re Partner is Lying To You

Lying in America is sadly more common than ever with current studies estimating that we lie in about one fourth of our interactions with others. Most of these lies are committed to make our lives easier or to set boundaries with others. But the majority of Americans believe that you shouldn’t lie to your partner. Since trust is the foundation of love, lying can undermine even the best of love affairs. So why do all of us want to believe our partners so much?

Skin In The Game:

When you’re in a relationship, you want to believe your partner. You have “skin in the game” and have invested in this person. When he begins to lie, it's hard to believe that that he thinks so little of you. You don't want to believe that he would make up a lie, sell the lie to you and then watch while you believe it.

Unfortunately, most of us end up filling in the blanks of information a liar omits in an effort to see him in a positive light. If he is lying and we work to believe him, he is basically getting away with it.

Gender Differences in Lying:

One study found that men and women lie at the same rates but about different things. Women are more likely to lie to make you feel good while men rearrange the truth to make themselves look better.

Psychos And Sociopaths:

Remember that some people lie flawlessly and are difficult to catch due to their skill. Think Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. They are able to control their emotions, their thoughts, and their bodies simultaneously. The flip side of that coin is that these people are generally sociopaths or psychopaths—definitely not dating material!

Now, if your partner is lying to you – your decision about whether or not to stay ultimately comes down to how invested you are in the relationship.

Here are a few tips depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship:

Early Liars Never Change:

Lying early in the relationship is a big sign of dishonesty. If they’re already lying to you in the beginning, what makes you think they won’t lie to you later on? Pay attention and get out quickly if you hear 2-3 lies in the first few weeks of a relationship. Please don’t pretend that everything is just fine. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache later on.

Road To Recovery:

For long term relationships, you need to confront the problem immediately, set a limit, and establish a zero tolerance policy.

If there is a problem in the relationship, don’t linger—get help and resolve the issues. Most couples wait an average of six years before they seek help - and it's usually too late.

Lying Can Snowball:

Lying is a serious issue and tends to snowball. Rearranging the truth can get to be a bad habit for even the best of us. However, you can go from lying by omission to outright deceit. What seemed innocent in the beginning becomes a habit of pathological lying. Don’t let lying take over -- you won’t know what’s real and what’s a lie.

Source:

Paul Ekman’s excellent work on lying including Unmasking the Face and Emotions Revealed

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

ABC News, Study: We All Tell Lies Over the Phone, February 25, 2004

The Benefits of Being An Only Child - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

How To Turn Her On, Part 3 - By Chris Gearing

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

By Dr. Sylvia Gearing

We've covered the basics of how to be more physically attractive to a woman. However, personality is the essential spark for female attraction -- bar none. It boils down to several essential characteristics:

Good Sense of Humor:

Women who describe their guys as more witty report higher rates of satisfaction. A sense of humor indicates empathy and understanding. But it also indicates intelligence and social skills. Some researchers argue that a good sense of humor is literally the most effective tactic for attracting women. Literally, guys - laughter will make women like you.

Confidence Versus Cockiness:

A guy who knows what he is doing, is commanding with others, is poised and decisive are incredible attributes for attraction. Self-confidence is also a sign that he can protect and provide which are characteristics that are attractive to many women. But be careful -- self-confidence is different from cockiness, which indicates false pride and is very unattractive to women.

Character and Emotional Intelligence:

The presence of integrity and honesty are unbeatable combinations for men who are interested in attracting a long-term mate. While they may not help a man in the initial attraction dance, these characteristics are essential for long-term relationships. Women love to be understood and having an emotionally self-aware guy is a huge allure.

Source: “Why Women Have Sex,” Carol Meson and David Buss

Dr. Sylvia Gearing On CW33 - By Chris Gearing

Monday, August 02, 2010

Here's the CW 33 story Dr. Sylvia Gearing was featured on over the weekend!

Watch or read it here:

http://www.the33tv.com/news/kdaf-chelsea-clinton-lie-lying-lover-marriage-gearing-story,0,5381269.story

How To Parent An Only Child - Video - By Chris Gearing

Monday, August 02, 2010

How To Turn Her On, Part 2 - By Chris Gearing

Monday, August 02, 2010

By Dr. Sylvia Gearing

Guys – are you ready to turn up the heat?

Then, buckle up and get ready to take notes. Here are a few physical ways to turn her on:

Smell of Attraction:

The smell of a man is vitally important to women when it comes to basic sexual attraction. Indeed, smell is the number one sense tied to memory – the better the smell, the more fondly she’ll think of you. In addition, a woman’s sense of smell reaches its peak during ovulation when she's more sexually responsive -- just keep that in mind.

It’s All in the Kiss:

Men who are good kissers have a distinct advantage with women. Good kissing awakens a woman’s erotic interest and many women think great kissing is a clue to how you are in bed.

Familiar Face:

Repeated contact with someone can increase the odds of attraction exponentially. Literally, showing up and making an appearance can swing attraction in your favor. Women begin to trust and like guys they see over time.

Eye Gazing:

Mutual and intense eye gazing is key for women in becoming attracted to a man. Men who sweep their eyes (respectfully) over women can be arousing. Studies have found that continuous “eye lock” can lead to attraction -- even with total strangers!

The Exotic Becomes Erotic:

Although we like the guy next door who is available as a potential long-term choice, our pulses are “revved up” when we encounter the mysterious, unavailable and handsome guy. That guy who swaggers, has little to say and is unavailable will catch our attention. Women simply love a mysterious man.

Height Advantage:

Many women love tall men and studies reveal that women consider tall men to be more attractive, more masculine and commanding. However, shorter men can achieve great presence by dressing correctly and by projecting a sense of self-confidence.

Get To The Gym!:

Women are drawn to a specific male body type. They love broad shoulders, slender hips and well-developed, toned muscles. Men with a high shoulder to hip ratio are especially valued since they are regarded as more athletic and better in the bedroom.

Lower Voice, Higher Attraction:

A resonant male voice with a deeper tone and pitch is incredibly attractive to women. At some level, women associate a deep baritone with good health, good genes, and the ability to protect her. Think John Wayne versus Jay Leno.

Something in the Way He Moves:

Male movement indicates age, health, and energy levels. Guys - to improve your attractiveness, you need to watch those dance moves, how you walk, how you sit down, and how you gesture. Larger, more sweeping movements are seen as dominant and attractive. But don’t take it too far – you don’t want to be seen as the weird guy waving his hands around.

Source: “Why Women Have Sex,” Carol Meson and David Buss

How To Turn Her On, Part 1 - By Chris Gearing

Sunday, August 01, 2010

What exactly attracts a woman to a man?

This mystery has been an elusive question for millions of men for thousands of years. Here are a few things to keep in mind about female attraction:

Complex Attraction:

A woman’s attraction to a man is much more complex than we ever thought possible. Universally, the number one reason men are attracted to women is beauty. In contrast, women seem to consider many more factors in whether or not they like a guy. Such factors explain why there are some couples that, on the surface, seem highly dissimilar -- think beauty and the geek.

It’s All In Her Head:

Since the brain is the primary generator of female sexual attraction, psychological factors are the “ballgame" in female attraction. A woman not only has to be in the “mood” physically, she must also “think” herself into the “mood.” Guys, if you’re hoping for something to happen – try to make her day a little better. Take the kids for a little while, do a load of laundry, or cook her a sumptuous dinner. You may find that your luck has changed.

Body Image:

The more a woman judges herself to be attractive, the more likely she's ready to head to the bedroom. Again, such self-appraisal does not have to be objective—she has to like the way she looks.

Unfortunately, 55% of American women express dissatisfaction with their bodies. Guys, try complimenting her or buying her something to make her feel sexy, but most of all do NOT criticize her weight, body, or age.

A Good Man is Hard to Find:

Ten different women will have ten different opinions about a man’s attractiveness. This phenomenon explains why a beautiful woman is often attracted to the less attractive, but charismatic man.

So, what can a guy or woman do to increase attraction? While you can never create that sexual chemistry on your own, you need to reconsider how you are thinking. Remember that for women, attraction is highly psychological -- it's all in her head.

Research shows that a lot of women are attracted to the “bad boys” who are dashing, handsome and potentially unfaithful. Don’t fret though, guys -- these same women outgrow bad boys over time due to bad experiences like getting dumped, getting cheated on, or putting up with a male diva.

Follow The Love Map:

We all have a unique template of what we find attractive called our "love map." This “map” accounts for some of the choices we make that may seem illogical such as why we like guys with brown hair versus blonde. However, we may choose against “type” when we meet someone we enjoy and who seems to understand us.

Weighted Values:

Ladies, write a list of attributes that you want your man to have and assign them values (one to ten etc.). Rate what is most important to least important. For example, if you want a guy who makes a lot of money or is close to his family -- rank those a 10. Think long and hard about what you want in a partner long term. For example, while he may not have the self-confidence and swagger of some more dashing men, he may have a great sense of humor that will keep you laughing through the night for the next fifty years.

Source: “Why Women Have Sex,” Carol Meson and David Buss


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